Diary Of A Sad Author

Entry 2

Dear Diary

Today as I'm writing this, it is June 08, 2021. My therapist has said writing about issues going on in my life, may help me. The issue is, I have an older sister who comes to my house and snoops around the items in my room. She had found a letter I had written to my future self that I needed at the time, and read it. I had to light it on fire. Which of course didn't help me any, but she didn't care. She's always invaded my entries of any diary/journal I had in the past,
Too bad I'm anonymous online, giving very little detail to who I am officially. So it wouldn't matter if my family read this, they couldn't tell who it was anyways. Plus I highly doubt they are into ageplay books. They don't even read on wattpad, which makes it more great.

Onto the news of today. I'm still sick, and officially started the course of medically prescribe steroids today, along with my antibiotics. Too bad I seem to have zero appetite today, so it's being a struggle to even get small amount of food in my body, just to take them. When I woke up today, it felt like I had been ran over by a semi truck, or if you don't understand that reference. I feel like I jumped off a 100 story building and survive. In other terms I am very sore, and as the day sadly moves on I have began to devolve a headache, which quiet honestly doesn't surprise me, seeing as I'm going to the doctor for chronic headaches and migraines soon.

My writing recently has been falling behind, as I'm having trouble dealing with these chronic headaches, anxiety and Gastroparesis. Between all of these issues, it's been a full blown juggle to just keep my head afloat. I'm beginning to forget most of my days again, which is quiet worrying. It's happened before but it was due to serve depression, which I shouldn't gotten help for sooner than I did. I beginning to be unable to write because of this, because I just end up pausing for more than a minute before coming back to my senses. Then I can't remember what I'm doing. I can't really explain this to my family members because my mom will blame it on my phone, or other electronics; which simply isn't true as these electronics are keeping me in line of what needs to be done throughout the day, as it seems I live with two children over the age of 50. Hopefully I am able to get this all sorted, but as of right now? I'm stuck where I am; but I am always able to move forward one step at a time.

As for meeting my biological sperm doner's family, it's been going pretty well. I've shown my face (been called beautiful.) and im pretty happy. Sad thing is? My mother is still making it all about her, which in all honestly, it's annoying as heck. Today she did this half butt apologise of 'I'm sorry you were angry about my actions.' Type of non apology. Then she went on to say 'I just see my family as the people I was raised with.' Which honestly I'd a load of bull. She wants me to see her and my older sisters as family, BUT I wasn't raised with my two oldest sisters. They were raised together. I came in after they basically started high school. So in all honesty. I am there child as well. My eldest sister in fact calls me her child, treats me like I'm her child. Basically we STILL do things meant for children together because I am her child even though I'm past the adult age.

So say the least. I was an only child growing up. My family isn't those who I was raised with, because I wasn't raised with any of them.

As my day goes on, I ended up at a knitting class where I ended up teaching half the students how to cast on, which is okay because the teacher's way of casting onto the needle was hard AF. I ended up getting a  fever near the end of it to a sinus infection. I also got scolded for wanting to go to the grocery store, which by this point considering I'm the one who does all the shopping and cooking, I ended up ignoring it. By the end of the day, I go and start to be able to play animal crossing with my siblings! It was Peanut's birthday. Sadly, my mother has an issue with eves dropping, and commenting on the conversation my siblings and I are having. So even though I already told her once what was going on, she ended up becoming very hateful and saying 'sorry, I don't remember fucking useless information.' Which I guess in all honesty, I should be used to by now. No matter what interest I share with her, I end up getting told off, and the items that I love end up becoming berated, which in returns makes me feel stupid for liking these items. She does it for everything, and to everyone to be fair, and yet when you do it back to her she act like you ended up stabbing her. Kinda ironic how she can throw it at people, and yet can't take it back. I mean, wouldn't it be nicer to I dunno, be nice to other people, especially when they're your own children?

I ended up just heading to my room early, claiming it because of me feeling sick. Which in all a half truth. I do feel sick, I have a fever that's climbing to 100. I just can't handle anymore of her today. I love her to pieces and always will, as she does have her good moments, but she also has these toxic ones. It's best just to separate myself from her for a while, before I end up going to her level, or worse starting a fight that'll end up with the police being called.

As this is basically the end of my day, I shall wish everyone a good night.