lover of mine | c.h

eight.

Sabrina hated the idea of being lonely. Don't get her wrong, she loved having time to herself, but she was deathly afraid of having no one around her. It was the same feeling you would get when no one showed up to your birthday party in grade school. Knowing that there was no one who was willing to just show up and be there for her, scared the absolute shit out of her. When she was younger and still living with her parents, both of her brothers were already in college. Her sister was almost a decade older than her, plus she rarely ever put in the effort to spend time with Sabrina. Her father was in and out of her life since her mother had won full custody. She usually spent most of her time alone or at a select few of her friends houses, until she met Calum. Calum always gave her the time of day to talk and spend time with her, even when he was away on tour. The two talked every single day and made a commitment to each other. But she didn't have that anymore.

"Shawn!"

The clicks and clicks of the Labrador's paws were heard throughout the house as the dog runs towards his owner's voice. He was now four and a half years old, but still had the same energy as he did when he was a puppy. Except now he wasn't peeing on any hoodies. As bad as it sounded, Shawn was truly her comfort person, well, dog. Even though she had Jake, she felt safer with the dog. Maybe it was some sort of attachment, she wasn't sure.

"Is Shawn Mendes here?" Sierra asked as she walked in the kitchen with two coffee cups in her hands.

"I wish" Sabrina mumbled. Sierra stifled a laugh and handed the cup to the girl, earning thanks to come out of her mouth.

"How's the line coming?" Sierra asked. Sabrina looked up from the bag of chips she was digging through, and stuffed a big handful in her mouth.

"Honestly?" Sabrina questioned and then dusted her hand on her black leggings, leaving a patch of crumbs. That was one thing Calum would always get onto her about. He was a very clean and tidy person, and with Sabrina's messiness, the two clashed all the time. When Sabrina would bake, because that's the only time she knew how to use an oven, or do her makeup, Calum would always stop what he was doing whenever he would see her desk, and organize and clean it up as she went. He wouldn't put away the things she didn't need, but he would rearrange it, so it wasn't as messy as the girl left it. Now when she would be doing her makeup, no one was there to straighten her mess up for her along the way. "I'm so lost. I've been so stressed trying to get everything right. I've never mainly focused on a line just guys, let alone a band. I know I need to stop being hard on myself, but it's just hard.

Within the past few weeks, her anxiety had progressively gotten worse. She'd had anxiety since she was a teenager, but it wasn't as bad during her early twenties. Now, it had gotten worse once again. Some nights she woke up with panic attacks out of nowhere. Some days she would just be on edge and any little thing could trigger her anxiety. It was scary because one of the hardest things to do was to try and calm herself down all on her own. She had always had him there to help calm her down.

"Sab" Sierra started.

"Hm?" Sabrina hummed in response. Sierra sighed and sat down her cup on the marbled countertops and walked over to where Sabrina was standing, which was on the other side of the gigantic island counter in the middle of her kitchen. She wrapped her arms around the girl and set her chin on her shoulder. Sabrina sighed and leaned into the hug.

"Does this have anything to do with being around Calum?"

Sabrina let out a breath and pulled away from the hug, running a hand over her face. She hated how well Sierra knew her.