M - auto biographical intro

1

M
I feel like I cheated death. I'm decaying at a steadily accelerating rate, my half life consumed in the inverse. My being was meant to die several years ago but my body was trapped in this 'realm' mistakenly. Realm in very dramatic air quotes, it's a boring stance to have but I honestly just don't think my mind will understand enough of the total knowledge in my world to conclusively know what we are. Returning to the point, as with all that doesn't belong and the inevitably the laws of physics, my matter is being expelled because I don't belong.

To be perfectly transparent upfront, I throughly enjoy a wild and random tangent and all the wisdom you find in them and so there will be many tangents littered throughout this story. You bet this is the second one within as many paragraphs, enjoy, you're welcome.

The story behind this gloomy opening sentiment can be either tragic or jesus-reviving inspiring, it's all in the way you tell it. And both including literal shitting of the bed and having my arsehole wiped clean by my mum while my boyfriend stood a deer in the headlights, frozen in horror as he looked on rapidly unable to look at anything again.

This first chapter will set the scene. That is both a note that exposes me as a very amateur writer and a lazy edit. I'm Agnes Magnusdottir, staring into a greasy fated flame.

At this point of my life washing my hair is considered an act of self care. The periodically lengthening greasy period in-between are fine when you consider them 'being honestly to él natural haircare' or, alternatively, simply don't give a fuck about greasy hair. That story about crapping diahrorrea through both of two layers of panties and trackies, happened three days ago. The coeliac immune cells in my intestines firmly did not endorse the very large, very gluten-rich, souvlaki I mistakenly ate. Then tonight after a little one on one time I realised that was my small plastic IUD I could feel past my cervix and not in my upper uterine wall where it was meant to be. That should be enough dot points to summarise the picture.