Poem Book

Not Good Enough

⚠️ Potential Trigger Warning ⚠️

I help you through hard times, as you do I,
But you really don't know how much I hide.
Even though we are the best of friends,
I really don't think you can understand.
I can't bear the hurt; I can't stand the pain,
A feeling of numbness I can't explain.

This is a life in which I walk alone,
Full of hope shattered and broken,
Always angry for no reason at all,
Constantly wanting to end this brawl.
Fighting with myself again and again,
Sometimes I want this life to end.

Mom's depressed but chooses to hide,
Takes out her anger on those by her side,
Doesn't understand I try to help.
She shuns me out and hates instead.

Grandma's enduring an unstoppable fate.
Sickness has gotten her on the plate.
It's sad to see such an innocent person
Become another cancer victim.

Too many friends are hurt as well
Thinking that their life is hell.
Too many friends wanting to stop,
Thinking suicide is the only option.

But inside me is the worst of all.
I don't know how long I can stand tall.
Memories of happiness are shooed away,
But horrible twisted thoughts to stay.

Nothing I do can make her proud.
There's no silver lining on her clouds.
I'm a rainstorm filled with dark black skies
And a haunting rainfall full of lies.
I only wish I could make her see
I'm trying hard so I can be
Someone she that can trust and love.
Instead, she tells me I'm not good enough.
Everything I do is a wrong decision.
She constantly tells me I'm not living
The path that she truly wishes I'd take,
But I'm only one big mistake.
If I could I'd erase myself from here,
I wouldn't have to live this fear.

I also wish I could be skinny
And always happy, fun, and pretty.
Instead, I look at myself in the mirror,
Disappointed in the reflection that appears.
It's hard to live when you don't love who you are,
Wishing that you could change it all.

Every day I make a mental note.
How much would I miss if I decide to go?
And how much hurt makes me lean towards the edge
Is slowly creeping up the hedge.
How much longer can I last
Before my life becomes one of the past?