Lovebird [completed]

Chapter 13: I Fucking Love You

I came back home after a night full of terror. I felt like I was in a nightmare and I wanted so despretaley to wake up but somehow I couldn't. I had asked Brooke, Noah and Alex to go hme since Lucas didn't want any visitors then.

I felt like a ghost walking to my doorstep. I felt guilty leaving him alone on a night like this but Dr. Phil and Nurse Jones insisted on me to get home. Before I even had the chance to knock my parents opened the door for me. They came towards me and gave me a hug and I burst into tears.

I put all my worries I had that night into one whole cry. I could hear Alex's feet rushing towards me as she hugged us all. After a while we let go and they helped me inside, the tears still running and my mind about to explode.

His future was uncertain now. Mine too. I tried to tell myself that it was nothing and he's strong and he will fight it off. At a point I believed myself but I couldn't help picturing him alone (except for nurse Jones and Sr.Peters but does weren't any companions since they had to work a lot)

"Hey honey do you want to lie down on the sofa? I know it has been a long night." dad said as he stroked my back giving me a cheek on the forehead.

My mum and Alex went to get ice creams for everyone as dad took me to the sofa. They all watched me eat, knowing that of they hadn't I wouldn't have eaten it at all

"Honey, can we talk to you for a bit?" Mum said as she straightened up and gestured for Alex to leave us alone. Alex got up and said

"Yeah I have to call Noah and see how he's doing" she said gesturing her phone towards us as mum nodded and Alex headed upstairs.

"Me and your father have been thinking about this since Julie called us and about how you're gonna visit him" my mum starting, cautious of her choice of words.

"Yeah after school until visiting hours pass why?" I asked as I sniffed in my tissue

"And then when will you have time for homework?"

"I'll do it when I get back or at the hospital"

"And do you think that's gonna work?"

"What's going on?" I said feeling confused of the way she was talking to me and starting to get irritated.

"Honey we can't see you crying all the time." My dad jumped in

"So what? You want me to stop crying? I can do that" I said feeling a big pain in my chest.

"No it's not that.... it's just.... you know- when he's gone-"

"MUM!" I shouted louder than ever. I couldn't believe her. "He's not gonna go ok? He's gonna stay here"

"But he might" my dad jumped in

"No. Stop thinking like that" I said tears sliding down my cheek "So? What are you saying? I should do what? Cry myself to sleep?"

"I'M SAYING YOU SHOULD BREAK UP WITH HIM" my mum shouted as she clutched her mouth realising what she had just said.

"You two are unbelievable" i said now bursting, the pain overwhelming me. I rushed past them upstairs to my room as I locked the door and cried uncontrollably on my bed. I could hear Alex's voice coming closer

"Yeah I'm gonna go check on her. Goodnight, lover. I love you" she said as I heard her hang up. She opened the door slowly as she came in rushing to hug me.

Her hug was everything to me it showed me that she really felt for me, she really cared, she felt the pain and anger I felt, I could feel her soothing hands slanting my back and her sniffing against my ear. She really seemed the only one who cared. The only one who was there for me, until I heared a knock on my window and I see Brooke staring at us crying.

Alex went to open the window for her as they both came in to hug me. They were the ones who really cared. Them only......

-------------Three Weeks Later-------------

I had started getting used to a routine: school, hospital, home and then school. I was still on bad terms with my parents, but it was starting to get better bit by bit.

Every week I would go to his room and he would be on his phone, the same device he had used to hang up on me a second ago. He would be taking chemo from a transparent bag and his heart monitor beeping and nurse Jones would than go to leave us alone.

I had just got off my bus (for the first few weeks I had asked Brooke or Alex to take me but then I started getting a little embarrassed so I started taking the bus. I had just arrived and rushed to the stairs to get to his room.

As I arrived I saw nurse Jones outside. This had never happened before. I went next to nurse Jones and confused asked him

"What? What happened? Is he ok?"

"Yeah he just kicked me out. He said he doesn't want to see anyone"

"Well maybe he doesn't want to see you. Move" I said as I pushed him aside and opened the door.

"Walker?" I shouted. He wasn't on his bed as he usually would be. Then I took a glimpse around the room and saw that a light was coming from the half open bathroom door.

"GO. I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. JUST LEAVE" he shouted at me. I really took it deeply. He had never talked to me like that

"No" I responded calmly as I rested my head against the bathroom door "Please just open up so we can talk. Please let me in" I pleaded now tears streaking down my cheek.

"Why would you want to come in?" He said feeling like he was trying to keep the tears away. At that moment I saw him on the floor curled up, his head between his legs. I went and sat down next to him as I kissed his head and asked him

"What's wrong, Walker?"

He looked at me, his tears now dry as he gestured at his hand which opened up slowly like an afraid hedgehog finally getting around. In it there were clumps of hair.

"I thought that maybe it wouldn't happen and now here you are-" I stopped him right there with my index finger next to his lips.

"It doesn't matter. It's ok" I whispered kissing his hands and then his cheek as I hugged him. "Now come on" I said as I helped him get up from the floor and put him on a stool in front of the bathroom mirror.

"You ready?" I asked putting up the razor

He nodded gently as I razed his hair off bit by bit, watching it slide gracefully to the floor. When he was done I kissed his head

"All done" I smiled at him as he got off the stool and kissed me. And I started thinking as I saw him smoothing his now bald head, how he brought butterflies to my stomach, how I wanted to help more, how he was the person stuck in my mind. So I grabbed the razor and without thinking started razing my hair until it was completely bald.

"Why? Why would you do that, Lovebird?" He asked me angrily as he grabbed the razor from my hand. "You just ruined your hair, you know that."

"I didn't ruin anything" I yelled back

"You're gonna regret it you know that? Why did you do that huh?" He said tears in his eyes and mine were building up. And then right that second I understood why I had done it

"CAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU"