Hopes

Chapter 24.

Solus's POV

__________

"Solus!"

I snapped out of my thoughts, jolting to attention as I rapidly reoriented myself, trying to focus through the blurry dizziness. The black walls and dim red glow of Maul's ship had given way to the monotonous grey and clinical precision of Asajj's Death Star, and I reminded myself once again that we were in the throne room, or "her ladyship's chambers," as Asajj liked to call it. Without moving my head, I glanced around to see who had spoken my name, glad for the visor that covered my eyes. But it helped nothing because both Maul and Asajj were looking at me, so I was none the wiser. I shifted uncomfortably and waited for them to speak again.

Asajj tipped her head on the side, her silvery tufts flopping out in sympathy. "You must be lost in thought: that's the second time I called your name."

I swallowed. That was never good.

"The only issue is ... that's not your name, is it?" Her ice-blue eyes were fixed to me, her pale fingers tapping subtly.

Internally I froze, but I refrained from making any outward reaction. I watched Maul anxiously. Had he told her, or had she guessed? Was it my fault?

"Take off your mask," she said lightly, chewing on an excited smile.

Again, I remained still. I knew she had told me to take orders from her as well, but I was sure this would be the one thing in Maul's books that crossed the line. But he didn't seem displeased. In fact, if the filter on my mask wasn't distorting it, I thought he was smirking.

Taking a moment to snatch a breath, I removed the apparatus, keeping the tremble out of my fingers. The chilled air of space bit into my exposed skin, nibbling at my scars and settling on my bruises. But the coolness wasn't enough to fight the heat that spread across my cheeks, a warmth caused by embarrassment and shame. My secret was out. I could only wait for the ridicule and mocking.

But it never came.

Asajj ran straight up to me, wrapping her arms tight around me and burying her face in my shoulder. "You're alive!" she whispered. "I didn't know what happened to you! But you're here, and you're alive! I can hardly believe it."

Every muscle tensed, and I stood stiff as a board while she hugged me. I watched Maul over Asajj's shoulder, scanning for disappointment, pleasure, guidance ... anything. But he simply stood with his arms folded and observed us.

I found myself softening under her touch, the sensation bringing back sweet memories of happiness and comfort. But I caught myself before I was washed away by my reverie, separating the feeling from the giver of that feeling. I had parted ways with her once, and I had no intentions of reopening that connection. It could never have lasted.

She held me at arm's length, inspecting me critically. "Are you okay? Have you been hurt?"

I blinked at her, trying to wrap my head around her questions. I couldn't decide how she was asking them, so I didn't know how to answer. I didn't think I was, whatever way I answered them. But I didn't say anything, instead allowing her to continue fussing over me.

She brushed at my ripped pants and torn tunic, flicking off specks of dust and dirt. "Look at you! You're filthy and injured! Don't worry, I'll get you cleaned up. I'll help you." She paused a moment to smile at me, her eyes searching mine but hiding unreadable emotions. Then she spun me around and shooed me towards a swivelling chair to the side. 

Sitting me down, she knelt at my feet with an opened medkit and set to work. Cleaning out the cuts and scrapes that littered my body, she paused if I flinched, proceeding with more gentleness. She asked me to point out where hurt, but I hesitated, scanning the room for Maul. What would he think of this? But I was surprised to see he had left the room. Aside from a tiny droid that lay in the corner awaiting orders, there was no one else in the throne room.

Indicating to my right shoulder, I shrunk back when Asajj reached for it. But the only person I trusted to tend the injury was not here, so I forced myself to relax and allow her to feel it. She pursed her lips, then stood and left the room, returning with a stiff cast. I could only hope my arm was set in the correct position as she fixed the cast. 

She worked gently, chatting the whole time, but I knew she hadn't had much training in first aid. Her fingers were deft but unskilled, and her method was random and disorganized. She relied heavily on the information I gave her, often asking if something felt alright or if I had pain anywhere. I appreciated the thought, but I wasn't sure how helpful her actions would be.

Finally, she touched a bruise on my cheek, then brushed against one on my forehead. She asked where they came from, but I didn't answer. She frowned, then held up some fingers, cocking her head. I watched them swim and merge into one, then drift apart and split into four, so I shook my head. She smiled sympathetically, then dug around in the medkit, emerging with a vibroheadset, a collapsible device designed to treat patients with concussion. As she fitted it, a missing puzzle piece finally dropped into my lap. I had a concussion. That would explain the constant dizziness, the frequent blackouts, and the overall distant and unconnected feeling. It seemed obvious now that I looked back, but it hadn't even occurred to me that that might have been the issue.

Asajj sat back on her calves and smiled at me, blowing a strand of pink-tipped fluff off her face. "I'm sorry you were so injured. Hopefully you'll feel better soon. Rest easy for the remainder of the day, then try and get some sleep. You look like you need it." She patted my leg, then straightened up. "Come on. I'll take you to your quarters."

I stood immediately, ignoring the head spin, then followed Asajj silently. She led me out of the room, down a corridor, and through a large door on the left. The chamber was spacious and inviting, despite the dull, grey walls and shiny, black floor. A massive four-posted bed sat in the middle, with a pair of small bedside cabinets as a guard of honour on either side. A soft rug padded the cold floor, and a tall wardrobe was pushed against the far wall.

I remained stuck in the doorway, unable to take another step.

Asajj glanced back. "Come on! This is your room." She watched my face for a minute, then smiled. Grabbing my hand, she coaxed me inside, pointing out the various features and the delicate touches she had put together herself.

I stayed in my shocked state, not uttering a word, somehow managing to keep my mouth from hanging open. 

Once she had finished her tour, she faced me, her hand lingering in mine. "I hope you like it. I'll leave you to settle in. You can come and find me when you're ready." She hesitated, gazing into my eyes, her fingers twitching. Then she stepped back, looking down as a faint blush spread across her cheeks. Brushing past me, she left the room, the door sighing contentedly after her.

For a full ten minutes, I gazed around the room numbly. I sat on the bed, then flopped backwards, staring at the metal ceiling. She still loved me. Of that, I was sure. I didn't think Maul would allow it, but I doubted Asajj cared. Love was a strange power, sweeping and dangerous, as glorious as a thundering waterfall. It could be as gentle as a newly-born lamb, nourishing and cherishing, and it could be as wild as a vicious snowstorm. It could heal the deepest wounds, and it could cause the worst heartbreaks. It could appear in a moment, but it could last for eternity.

I knew I had never truly loved Asajj.

But there was one I had.

I could only wish I had never thrown her away.

<><><><><><><><><><>

Aww, poor kid. At least he had some comfort and help. Poor thing for sure needs it.

I really liked that last bit. It was sweet and yet powerful. And it was sad, but still beautiful. You guys are awesome. Obi next chpt. Thanks so much for reading, and thanks that we're over 300 reads! Stay amazing <3

Dedications:

Wikluk/Cam_Skywalker_501st/the_space_raiders/X_-_-_-_-_-_X/General_Skywalker/anakinpadmeforlife