Depersonalization

11

Marcellus you really suck at this'

Marcellus and I were at the school terrace making tassels. Although I wanted to make them in peace and present it to him at a later date however Marcellus barged in asking me to teach him.

The sun was etched in the sky with cool wind blowing on the terrace. A faint scent of lavender blended with the pleasant scent of new leaves and wet soil. It had rained yesterday night so everything was cool and rejuvenated unlike the cold winter month that was swiftly passing. Fresh scent of jasmines wafted in the air that were planted just below us. In that luke warm atmosphere under the shade we were busy making golden tassels. My skill full hands wrapped the gold thread on a piece of cardboard in a repeated fashion I was taught when I was barely five but I still remember how to do it. One by one thin thread started to accumulate making a bunch of amber coloured lines. Then I took them out and tied a knot while cutting the extras making sure that they were in symmetry. The only sound that was heard were the chirps of azure and crimson passerines on veridian trees.

'Wow, Aziel they look so cool!' An excited Marcellus told me. He had long put down his cardboard and completely exhausted his attempts of mastering this art.

'Well thanks' I said. I was flustered at his honest complement.

'You know I always thought you are so cool and strong. So different from us. You always felt so cold yet so distant. Your white hair, lilac and golden eyes looked so different and serene. You are so beautiful Aziel.' Marcellus whispered in my ears. Suddenly he felt mature, his usual cute tone felt honest.

l snorted at his confession.

'That is not true Marcellus. My serenity is more like being cold and indefinite. I was never called beautiful just a ghost, a monster of unknown origins. I was never treated as a human. In this world all where all are humans but only some are treated as such. You are naïve Marcellus. You can still smile so bright in such a gloomy world.'

'Yes, I know. My world is small and brightly lit like a candle light. I never felt the darkness since my candle never extinguished. I never tried to delve into the darkness that lied ahead of the comforting presence of the light. I am a coward however Aziel I would like to show you the light which is unknown to you. I want you to smile brightly just like me. Laugh till your stomach hurts and be happy till all your pain flies away. You cannot run away for the ghosts of your past but I want to be your strength. Holding your hands firmly when you face them.'

Drip...drip

'Oh, my what is this?' It was the first time I heard these words. It may be lip service but saying something that I needed to hear the most, those words hit me hard. It was the first time I felt so sad and proud of myself. Proud that I had sustained and lived for so long. I wanted to tell Marcellus all my woes and confide in him the darkest truths. But I was sad that I could not do so, he may say these words to me but in the end, I am still afraid of being thrown away. The more I try to forget the past the faster I crawl back to it. What would happen when he would listen to my past? Then sins I have committed, the families that I destroyed. Will he still trust and respect me as a friend like he did now? Or he would feel disgusted and disappointed? I was afraid that him abandoning me but more than that I was afraid that he would come to hate me. Marcellus honesty was really endearing but I felt afraid of it.

'Thank you .... thank you so much.... even if you said it just like that it was the first time someone told me this. Thank you.... Marcellus.' I could not stop the tears. It stained my cheeks and its salinity hurt the bruises. They were painful and saccharine. The sincere feeling friendship Marcellus showed me really made me feel happy.

*Ah.so this is happiness*

I still had my own doubts and reservations. However, one day I was sure that this insecurity would turn into blind trust. I was looking forward to that day.

'Hey look at this Aziel ....' Marcellus called out me. I saw paper planes of different shades flying in the sky. Pink .... yellow... Violet and green, all hues spread in the sky like passerines. They flew some distance and started coming down. I took the fallen paper plane from the ground and made them fly again with great enthusiasm. They looked so free in the sky, flying high, without a care in the world. Free from pain and temptation, love and loss. The whole sky was filled with them, its kaleidoscopic charm radiating in the sky. White color like the anemones with yellow heart portrayed false hope with firm optimism. Pink like the peonies wished us good fortunes. Lilies gave us innocence and golden daffodils joy. All the paper planes had different meanings to them as they flew higher and higher.

Marcellus took out his flute and played a nostalgic song I remember what the tune meant somehow. It was tattooed somewhere in my mind many years ago and I still remember it. 'The flowers blooming in the spring, the cherry blossoms in hues of pink. The wisterias in the purple basking the golden sunlight, the iris' in their blues. The peonies good fortune, the enthusiasm of tangerine rose. They are all for you to enjoy and contemplate their beauty since nature is the best healer and colours are the greatest messengers.'

'Wow !!' I was amazed by the beauty of my surroundings. Marcellus' serene song added to the picturesque scene. I has been a while when I had I so much fun and I was all thanks to him.

'Here, take this. Since you like cute things. Take this button.' I was blushing up to my neck. It was awkward but I wanted to thank him somehow.

I paused and with great expectations said 'Marcellus will you become my friend?'

'Pfft .... I thought you would never ask!' he laughed.

I blushed even more looking at him now. His azure eyes sparkled like spinels and pale skin had a healthy red tinge to it. He looked youthful and handsome making me blush harder and harder until I felt feverish.

'Hey...stop laughing stupid!' I slapped him on his shoulders shyly.