Depersonalization

7

You will be going to school' A woman with blond hair and benign eyes said to me a small child with lost eyes. She had bright read specks on which were pointed at one end and was talking to me who looked as if he had lost all his will to live. Dark circles adorned the white skin under my lilac and golden eyes. My cheeks were hollow and hands were thin with veins protruding.

Tick tock...tick tock the sound of the clock.

Tap...tap...tap the sound of the computer keyboard.

I nodded dismissing the passing comment said with faked sincerity. The woman continued 'According to the law you need to get compulsory education. Your mother seemed to only see you as a means to earn child support while not actually performing her duty. Now that seeing what had happened, we will take care of you'

Silence ensued for a short while.

'Well since you already know how to read. I suppose we should start with elementary schooling. When you will get discharged, we will look for a suitable school.'

'Yes'

The woman looked at me with soft expression and pitiful eyes. It was an expression I had seen for the first time. It felt warm and revolting at the same time

***

'Oh, thank God you woke up!' Marcellus called out to me in a loud voice who was already struggling to keep consciousness and adapt to the ringing sensation in his head. Marcellus' voice felt as if somebody attacked me with a hammer.

'Shut up!' I let out a hissing voice to the boy who was now holding my hand and looking at me in a relieved manner. I could see the tear stains on his face while new batch of tears had already started to well in his eyes.

'Silly! Why are you crying?'

This gesture felt alien since I was someone who could not cry for himself let alone for others

'Hey Marcellus! Stop crying! '

'No...couldn't.... I was...so ...afraid.hic...hic' The big man was crying like a child.

I let out a sigh.

'Hey I am fine. Look I am alive and looking at you. Smiling at your stupidity. I am alive. There is no need to cry now'

'Really?' Marcellus' face was a little too close. I could see his blue eyes. They were completely blue with no other colour mixed. Unadulterated in a pure shade of aqua like deep ocean. His lips were red and moist. There was a certain smoothness and softness to them

*Blush*

'Hey don't shove your stupid face so close to me! And wipe this snot! It looks too ugly.'

'Solly...' he let a cute voice while cleaning his nose.

So much like a child.

'Now ...Now I hope I am not disturbing. I came to tell you that Aziel you had mild anaemia and case of malnourishment. There is slight fever so it is better you take your day off' Elijah said.

He was someone just like me. We do not cry nor feel worried for others. In our worlds there is only us and bad memories. We are own weapon and fiercely protecting ourselves from everyone. Self –preservation, self-love, self – harm and self-defence. Everything was for ourselves and nobody else.

'Yes, I understand' I said while putting my hand on my forehead. I was truly tired.

'Anaemia? Malnourishment? Aziel what happened to you?' Marcellus started crying again.