gener : angst*
your pov:
it's been 3 years. 3 years since you met the love of your life. Your feelings weren't as strong the first time you met that person, but the more you spent time with them, the more those feelings grew within you, whether you wanted it or not. Thinking of it now, you realize you always felt some kind of affection toward that person. A fondness you couldn't describe in a million years. You could never understand the sentiment you felt toward them, but now, you're sure of it. You're in love with that person. You can't explain why. You just know.
Chan is your friend, a close friend, and you can't bring yourself to confess to them, because you're scared of breaking your friendship and losing the comfort you feel around that person if your feelings aren't reciprocated. You once thought you had a connection with them, but it didn't take long until you realized that the way you see that person isn't the same the other way around. "he dosen't love me anyway, you tell yourself. It's unrequited love." Why tell him then? What good would it bring? The scenarios you often imagine with them are uncontrollable and you can't stop thoughts from appearing in your mind, sometimes romance, sometimes lust. You wonder if you should tell that person about your feelings. Maybe it would help you move on, even if the answer isn't what you wish for. Yet, you let time pass by.
It's been a year already and Chan , still ignorant of your feelings, meets someone. he tells you about how kind and sweet she is . "I think I found my soulmate", he tells you with a laugh. You laugh with chan, although you're just faking it. If you've heard other people talk about how jealousy could suck, now you understand how unpleasant that feeling can be.
As time goes on, you gradually see channie fall more and more in love with her . You couldn't count the number of nights you spent awake, crying in the dark. You've never felt that sort of pain before and you keep thinking you'd want to let go of your feelings. You want to stop seeing him that way, but the truth is that even if you are alone and that this love is impossible, you don't actually want to let go. Deep down, you know you want to keep seeing them the way you see them now, how unique and special they are, no matter the pain you feel. "I wish I'd never met Christerphor bang chan.", you think once, but you know it's a lie. No matter what happens, you'll never stop being grateful for the appearance of a friend like that in your life even though meeting that person was a gift and a dagger at the same time and that you won't ever be more than close friends.
A/N : I SHOULD STOP WRITING ANGST :( idk why this chapter is so long
