The First Day of Our Forever

What's Best for Him, Regardless

GIYUU'S RESEARCH JOURNAL

I can recall a past life.

A torrent of details – people, events, emotions – has inundated my mind, submerged it in memories I've never seen before but completely recognize.

Why is this happening? How is it even possible?

An entire life – I remember it vividly, like the one who lived it. Firsthand, concrete.

I remember killing demons. I remember my half-half haori. I remember losing my sister.

I remember losing my arm.

Many details I recall are the same as those from Shinazugawa-san's interview.

Maybe that's what this is. Maybe his interview infected my memory, has created these false recollections. Maybe that's all this is. Maybe.

But there are things I remember that he didn't tell me, things that feel so real, like my very own experience. I remember knowing Shinobu.

I remember living and training with Sabito when we were both young. I remember adoring him. I remember he died saving me.

I remember loving Sanemi.

I remember arguments we had. I remember our inside jokes. I remember his touch, his kiss. I remember how his naked body felt against mine. I remember longing to be close to him, begging him to let me into his heart. I remember he loved ohagi.

How is this happening? Why is this happening? This can't be possible. It shouldn't be possible.

I must be insane. I have to be insane. There's no way this is real.

I love Sabito. I love him more than anything.

But now. Now... I remember a whole other adult life he wasn't a part of. I have a whole other heart that he doesn't own.

What do I do? What the hell do I do?

No matter what I do, I'll be ripped in two.

And I'll lose someone I love.

This is insanity. It's worse. It's hell.

Sanemi, why did you do this? Why did you make me remember?

Fuck. I guess I remember that now too.

I promised. Didn't I?

+++

"Tell me something about your past life that you haven't mentioned in the interviews."

Sanemi was seated at one of four school desk sized tables crammed in the colorless and claustrophobic transcription room. His computer was open and ready to receive his labor, but that's not why he was there. He had come in early, he had remained in this ugly, musty space, not for work, but because he didn't want to miss this moment, the moment he had wandered through three lifetimes to reach.

He stood up and scrambled to the door where Giyuu stood. "Giyuu! Are you alright?"

Giyuu scampered behind a desk. "Tell me about your past life. Were we lovers?"

"Yes."

"Tell me a detail."

"The first time I kissed you was in the hidden hot spring in the woods near Oyakata-sama's mansion. I would've done a lot more than kiss you then, but Rengoku and Uzui showed up. The first time you gave me ohagi we nearly broke up. I kept telling you we weren't really in a relationship. I was too stupid and afraid to tell you I loved you. I proposed to you in your backyard one morning-"