Scarlet's Soldier

Hardwired to be a monster

A few hours had passed and all of the avengers were sat in the waiting room. Y/n, Natasha and Tony were covered in blood. Steve sat in silence, trying to comfort Natasha and Bruce was sat by Clint, talking to eachother in low whispers.

Y/n on the other hand was pacing the floors, questioning every doctor who had walked past. There hadn't been an update in over an hour and it was frightening to her. The last she saw of Wanda, she was passed out so she had no idea on how things were going. A part of her didn't want to know, but that didn't stop the questioning.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am." The doctor mumbled, staring down at the arm Y/n had grabbed without realising.

"What do you mean your sorry?!"

"I mean..I'm sorry, but there isn't yet another update, now please if you may-" The doctor looked up at Y/n and then back down at his arm.

"Oh.." Y/n nodded, instantly letting go. "Sorry, I didn't..I didn't mean to. I didn't even realise I was.."

The doctor nodded sympathetically, "It's alright. I understand, you're worried, scared."

She nodded again and stepped back. Of course she was worried, the girl she loved was potentially dying in another room, but she also knew that the reason for her accidental aggression wasn't worry. It was her losing control again.

"I'll come to you when I have an update, I promise." He sighed and quickly scurried away. 

Clint noticed the panic on Y/n's face and stood up, making his way over to stand near you. This was the fourth time in 3 hours it had happened. It didn't feel like they were behaving that way out of kindness, it was more of a 'hey, don't bother go crazy' kind of stand.

'Hey..uh, Y/n?" Clint mumbled shyly.

She looked up at him, shocked that he had spoke. The rest of the team didn't, so she had no idea on why he did.

He watched the shock that washed over her and let out a nervous breath, "I..I don't think this was your fault."

"Barton. I shot her. I-I turned around, and I shot her. And, then. She died in my arms." She replied bluntly, "It's my fault. You don't have to lie to me."

"No.." He disagreed, stepping closer to her so that he seemed less cautious and more of a friend. "You wanna know who's fault it is?" He asked rhetorically.

Y/n tilted her head and nodded slowly, shocked at the approach the man was taking.

"Hydra. They're the ass hats who did this to you. You, you'd never hurt Wanda. We..I know that."

Y/n nodded for a moment thinking it through. Perhaps he was right, after all everything happening to her in this moment was a result of Hydra's deep-frying and rewiring on Y/n's brain but then again, she was still the one who pulled the trigger.

"I shot her, clint."

"No, Hydra did that. You saved her, Natasha told me. She died in your arms and you brought her back."

Y/n nods and looks down at the floor, thinking it through again. He made sense but her sense of guilt never vanished. She still felt responsible.

"Listen uh..If you need me. I'll be over there." He nods towards the chairs. "You don't seem like you're in the mood for a chat."

She nods quickly and watches as he wanders away. She wasn't really close with Clint but she appreciated the gesture. In the last 3 hours, he had been nicer to her than anybody else had and that stood for something.

She opened her mouth to shout over somewhat of a thank you over at him but closed her mouth immediately. She'd only mess it up anyway, so she did what she'd done best for the last few hours, pace around questioning doctors.

Yet another hour passed, and yet another avenger came to stand near her. It was getting annoying now, yeah, she was going crazy, but she didn't need a babysitter.

"How did this happen?" Tony whispered as he walked past you.

"I..I don't know, stark" She replied honestly, gritting her teeth at his presence. "She's in there fighting for her life, and I'm out here like this. Hardwired to be a monster." She looked over at Clint. "Hydra's fault I suppose."

"I didn't think this was possible."

"Yes, you did. Don't lie to me. You've heard about The Winter Soldier program. You know about the mind control, you were there when Wanda when through my mind." She then turned to Tony, "So, don't you dare lie and tell me you didn't know because you did know, and you also know I wouldn't be in this situation if not for you, being selfish and stuck up!"

"Always finding a way to pin things on other people." He scoffed, shaking his head. "Do you even realise what you've done, Y/n?"

She raised an eyebrow and quickly got in his face, practically spitting her words at him. "Of course I know, Stark!! What do you want me to say?! That I'll never forgive myself?! That
I'm a monster!? That.." She shook her head and glared down at him, taking a breath.

"You wanna make me feel bad, then fine. Go ahead. I already do, but don't you dare stand there and act like your innocent, Tony. This is on you aswell. You're the only who let Hydra take me when we were on that mission. You let them mess with my mind!! You let Wanda go through all of that pain and acted like you cared!" Y/n's rant had picked up quite alot of attention from the surrounding people, including that of a few avengers. They didnt dare butt in, they wanted the conversation to play out. None of them knew what Y/n was talking about, but they wanted to.

He laughs and steps forward, pointing towards you. "There we go again, huh? Pinning the blame, just as I said two minutes ago."

"You know what Y/n?" He continued angrily at Y/n who just stood there, glaring at him with a slight smirk.

"I got nothing for you. No trust." He spat through his teeth practically getting in your face. Y/n tried to remain calm and listen to him but the more he spoke the angrier she got. She was struggling enough as it was.

Steve quickly rushed around the corner when he realised what was going on and stood inbetween both Tony and Y/n. "That's enough, both of you." He ordered.

The first thing Y/n picked up on was how strained his voice sounded. He wanted to cry, maybe he already had. He wasn't like that already, so why was he now?

Tony on the other hand, didn't pay attention. He wasn't finished talking. "No trust..Liar." He tried to push past Steve but that was never gonna happen, Steve looked twice his size. "Yes, okay. Maybe I let that happen to you, yes, I'm sor- but you hurting Wanda, that's on you. Not me. Not anyone else. You."

She gulped and looked down at the ground, "Tony..I trusted you. You were the closest thing I had to a father, and then y-you..ruined me, you destroyed who I was. Why?"

He sighed and took a breath, looking around at everyone who just seemed to be watching the chaos unravel, even Steve himself looked shocked. "I wanted..I.."

"Speak up, Stark. Or I will." She ordered.

"I wanted you to learn your lesson." He admitted. "I wanted you to be better."

"Well, clearly that didn't work out did it?!" The raised voice suprised everyone, of all people to shout, the least it was expected to be was Steve.

Tony rolls his eyes at Steve and continues to stare at Y/n. "You weren't there."

"There?? Where?"

"In there." He repeated.

Steve sighed and looked over at Y/n sympathetically. "She's gone, Y/n."

"What do you mean, gone?" She asked, already knowing the answer the second the words left his mouth.

"He means, Wanda's dead." Tony mumbled.