June 11, 2021
Why am I so afraid to fall asleep? I really wont miss much when my eyes are closed but I feel like I am living a double life and taking breaks when I am actually living. I remember all of my dreams... all of them... all of the nightmares, night terrors, little daydreams and fantasies that play in my head. And whether it's some faceless stranger or the most vivid images of the people I am closest to... I remember it. But of course that means that my memory for things that I outside of the dream world I dont always remember well... we love the irony.
July 3, 2021
I have so many songs stuck in my head that I might as well start making my own. I've been daydreaming, nightweeping and fantasizing about things that could never happen and it's almost like this double life of mine is catching up to me... when will I become the person I see in my dreams...?? Why am I holding back from my real dreams... what is wrong with me? Why am I always afraid to go after what I want with a full heart? Why cant I just do it? Why do I want to be the most dominant person in the room- just to go home and wish someone was there to take care of me like a child? Why am I so afraid now of being alone forever? I know I will eventually be independent... but I naturally cast everyone away and I'm afraid my house will be a place no one will visit... why do I desire intimacy if I'm not gonna get it before small talk...?
Aish... I lowkey hate small talk... ramble to me please gosh haha
Anyway... I knew I was supposed to be updating this more... I've just been busy with family and life... but... I do date everything so... I guess that helps. And who tf said a journal needs to be updated everyday? Not I. XD
"SOS oh baby you gotta you gotta save me again... SOS I like ya like that..." ugh we love Twice. Anyway... baiiiii
~Kj
YOU ARE READING
Literally a Journal
De TodoI said what I said??? But nah fr... this is straight up my journal... cuz why not.
