The reality of being a depressed teen

Page 2.

I lay here & realize I'm not the person people think I am. I am often viewed upon as a smart, happy & promising teen but that was just a facade but in this dark reality I am troubled, confused, sick & disappointing. I myself constantly feel anger & sorrow. My feet feel weak just like my will to live in this cruel world we call our "Home". I am constantly shaking not because I'm cold or physically weak but because I'm petrified for what's in store for me. As tears splash onto my paper my inspiration is running dry. These late nights where I'm wide awake with my twisted thoughts I realize I take my life for granted especially my dear sickly father for which I can thank him for my life. When my uncle had passed I couldn't help to think... "How will I be able to handle my father's funeral." Tears shed down my face because of those thoughts & the untimely death of my uncle. I cry for him I know my time is nearing. I feel cold like death himself wants to embrace me & take me on a journey I long awaited if given the opportunity I will not fight, I would take the hand of death & prepare for the the first day of my last of emotional pain & suffering. I had a lot of courage to do a cowardly act... Suicide... But my plans backfired that is why I'm here writing. I'm different now. I'm broken. I give everyone the false illusion that I'm fine but in reality I'm dead inside. I only wish I had enough courage to seek help rather than try leaving this hell hole.