The reality of being a depressed teen

Page 3.

But with all honesty I do have someone who I know I can lean on for when I'm down. My girlfriend... Evelyn. Looking back at my past I had thought I was feeling the emotion people fear... "Love." But in reality lust was the actual emotion I felt for my past girlfriends. But with her its all different she's like a drug I'm addicted to. I didn't think perfection was attainable but looking at her proves me wrong. She gives me this sense of security I have never felt before. I find it astonishing how a simple girl actually scratch that how a perfect girl like her is with a mess like me. As I am trapped in the darkness I feared no way out until she came along. She is the light I seek. She gives me the attention I desperately needed. A slight change in me occurred in the time she came along. As I'm still depressed I have yet another outlet other than pen & paper. That change... Courage is it? No. Hope?... Yes, I hope that one day I will enjoy the small things in life. I hope that I can find myself. But a thought lingers still. "I am useless." "A waste of a human." "I'm a disgrace." These are my daily thoughts. Yes it kills me to think like this but I can't help it. As I go hug my father he tells me his time is nearing tears flow down as all I can do is hug him & weep, my emotions got the better of me. I thought I was a rock but I am weak.