⚠️Tw self harm⚠️
A couple of weeks later:
Saturn's POV
It has been a few week since the small encounter with Joe Kimber. Ever since then my mental health has went from top to bottom real fast. The only thing that I have to keep me going is Polly. Sure the boys are great but they have been out on a lot of business these past few weeks.
Anyway polly has been out on 'business' a lot this past week. My brain is not working properly and I'm more and more down. Each day I feel like a pile of shit but whenever I need someone to talk to they are always so busy. It's okay cause I have me, myself and a packet of cigarettes.
"Hey Saturn darling dinners ready" Polly said from the door.
"Oh no I'm not hungry" i answered back
"Okay well come downstairs and see the boys they want to see you."
"Okay just coming" I got up from my bed and walked out the door.
As I was walking downstairs I heard everyone talking but so much laughing but there was little giggles from now and then. I saw a space in between tommy and john just across from pol.
I sat in my seat and just looked at the table fiddling with my fingers.
"So Saturn how are" John asked. You could tell John was worried about me. You see John kind, caring and very loving. He doesn't act like a peaky blinders but out on the field it's like he is one. (I have no idea if that makes sense but oh well)
"I'm fine" I replied not taking my gaze off of my hands.
"Are you sure"
"Yup" i answered blankly. Although i looked up and caught Pollys gaze. You can tell she doesn't believe me.
"Why aren't you eating" tommy asked with slight concern on his face and voice.
"Just not hungry" i replied.
"Oh okay"
For the rest of the dinner it was just an akward silence. Polly kept looking at me with worry and sorrow in her eyes.
"Em guys I'm umm gonna go up the um stairs" I said as I pushed my chair away from the table.
"Okay shout is if you need anything okay" John replied.
"Kk"
After that I ran up to my room closed and locked the door. I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't deal with this anymore. The thought of him touching me just made me sick. I try my best to keep his image out of my face but every time he comes to mind all I can think about is what he did to me. I feel like shit. I'm trash. I'm cold. I'm a bitch. I'm worthless. I'm useless. I can't love anymore. I'm a burden to tommy, to Arthur, to John and especially Polly. She doesn't love me she probably hates me after everything I have done.
With that I grabbed my razor that I had to use to defend my self ages ago. I started cutting my wrist then moved down to my thighs. I felt numb this was the only way I could feel pain.
I kept cutting and cutting till I felt faint. Although I did manage to get up clean the blood and change into fresh cloths. After that I collapsed on my bed.
————————————————————————
Hey guys sorry I haven't been active but it is coming up to simmer which means lots more work from school before I finish for the holidays. Anyway sorry this chapter is really short I'm not feeling to well but I thought that I had to get something out there. Let me know what you guys think and if u have any ideas let me know and I will make sure to give u credit. Thanks for reading loves.
R.I.P Helen McCrory🕊💔
YOU ARE READING
Came back worse
FanfictionYou were kidnapped by Scottish people at a very young age. You were only 4 years olds. Your were really good friends with the shelby family. Especially your best friend polly gray. Tommy was your best boy best friends right beside aurther (don't kno...
