The worst weeks of my life, I remember, started with my mother leaving to Hanoi for work.
I woke up that morning like every other morning. I quietly sat up and looked around, my mother was still sleeping soundly, on the table and my siblings were cuddled up together for warmth. I stood up and walked over to my mother. Taking my only jacket, I placed it lightly over my mother and walked to the fire pit. Sitting on my haunches, I blew softly on the fire to revive a dead spark. A small flame finally caught hold and started warming the inside of the cold and lonely hut. I walked towards the door of our home. It leaned sadly at an angle, barely covering the opening of the hut. The cold gentle chill crept lazily inside through the cracks. Staring through a crack, I saw the world outside. The once peaceful, serene landscape was now foggy and wet. Dark clouds turned the world an ashy grey and dropped waves of rain down on the earth. The world was drowning in rain but no sound was heard.
When I saw the rain, I felt depressed because it reminded me that father was still not home. I hoped that the rain would stop mother from going too, but sadly, I was wrong.
When the world outside was just barely light, my mother put on a rain poncho she borrowed from the neighbors and hooked her bag on her back. She kneeled down and gave each of us a kiss before hugging us all good bye. Before leaving, she turned to me and said,
“I have to go now, Nhat. You are the oldest here and I hope you can take care of your siblings while I’m gone. Your aunt Linh will come over tonight to make you guys some dinner and make sure that you are all in bed. I love you all! I’ll write as often as I can. Bye now!”
With that, my mother disappeared into the rain. At the time, I did not know that this was the last moments I would ever see my mother. My care free, young mind was just thinking about how cool it was that I was in charge of my siblings. They were some happy times. Being innocent and having no care in the world. For me, I thought nothing else in the world could go wrong. I went about the day as normal. My mother, always worrying about us and constantly trying to make our days more enjoyable, had left behind some money for us and also some eggs to improve our meals. I helped my siblings throughout the day. We couldn’t do much with the rain right now but it was also very early in the morning and with the excitement over, I felt myself slipping back into the grasp of the dream world. Lazily shuffling back to the bed, I was asleep before my head hit the hard pillow.
My ears heard it at first and reached down through my consciousness and reeled me back into reality. Slowly waking, my mind called for my muscles to wake and sit up. I listened quietly, trying to identify the sound that woke me. Sitting intently, I heard the sound of the constant rain, now only a soft humming shower, small drops of rain falling through cracks in our broken roof and even more faintly, a quiet rattle of an old bicycle coming down the dirt path leading to our hut. Suddenly rejuvenated with energy, I realized it was the mail man coming, possibly with news about father. I turned around and started shaking my siblings to wake them from their sleep, and in a bunch, we rushed to the door. I peered out through a crack in the door and saw the world outside. Rain still poured from the sky but lighter than this morning when mother left.
Opening the door, we waited for the mail man as he pulled right up in front of our house. Suddenly emerging from the ocean of rain, he stepped into the house. His smiling face was gone when he took his hood off, replaced instead with a grim look.
“Would you like some water, sir?” my younger brother Hieu asked, holding out a broken bowl filled with rain water.
“Um, thank you son.” He reached out slowly and took the broken bowl from his small hands. “Is your mother home?”
Being the oldest and the child that my parents chose to be in charge, I stepped forward shyly and replied,
“Mother… left this morning to work in the city.”
His face suddenly darkened and he looked at the ground, before looking up into my eyes. The eyes were filled with sadness and I suddenly knew that something was wrong. He licked his lips and slowly told us,
“I came here today with some sad news. It is about your father… His regiment was reassigned to some location a little north of Hanoi. He was on watch at their camp when his… regiment… w… was… ambushed.”
Finishing, he looked up into our eyes; the sadness was overwhelming. My two younger brothers burst into tears, hugging each other tightly for comfort. The man knelt down and hugged them, comforting them. I felt nothing. I felt weak. I felt useless. I felt like I could have helped father better and now, he’s gone.
