"Perth?" Saint said quietly as his fingers traced the thin, white scars on Perth's inner thigh, looking up at Perth with curiosity in his eyes.
"Yes?" Perth asked quietly, taking Saint's hand.
"I know you've used the term... Boyfriends... But what are we, really?" Saint asked, squeezing Perth's hand.
"You're my everything," Perth said softly. "You know that, Saint."
"Would you really kill yourself if I
died?" Saint asked in a voice quieter
than before.
"Yes," Perth answered immediately. "I'd have nothing to live for."
Saint was quiet for a few more moments before he sat up and climbed over Perth's body, sitting lightly on his lower stomach.
"Have you... Do you think that... What do you see in our future, Perth?"
Perth looked a little distressed, but he immediately went back to his normally emotionless 'Perth' face. He didn't want Saint to think he saw no future with them together because he certainly did. "I can not see the future. What would you like, Saint, because I know there's something."
"Well, of course I want your last name," Saint whispered shyly. "And... Maybe... Maybe we can adopt..."
"A cat, maybe," Perth said, looking seriously at Saint. "I love you but we are not having any children, Saint."
"But, Daddy-"
"Don't you come at me like that," Perth spoke sharply, desperate not to have this conversation. "Like we just talked about, if you die, I die. What if that's soon after we adopt? I couldn't handle that, Saint and it would ruin a child."
Saint sighed softly, stroking Perth's jawline with his fingers now, always touching Perth- not that the younger lad minded. "I understand."
"You do?"
"Yes, sir," Saint replied softly. "I do because I understand what you mean. I'd be depressed and an empty shell if you were gone. No child deserves that."
"I'm sorry," Perth replied honestly. "I love you more than anyone can love anything. You are my moon, my stars, my gravity, holding me to the planet. My little sunshine Son. I will marry you, whenever you want. I'll go buy a ring and propose tonight if that's what you want, Saint. I can't promise children or complete happiness while you're married to me because I'm me, but I can promise you loyalty and respect and all of the love I can give you."
"Perth," Saint whispered, "I will be happy with you the entire time that we are together because I love you and everything about you. You have had fucked up things happen to you, Perth, but you still manage to be gentle, even if you don't see it. It's only to me, yes, but it's to me and that means so much."
Perth smiled sadly, arms wrapping around Saint's waist. "You're too sweet for your own good, Saint. So caring and forgiving."
"I will do anything for you," Saint whispered. "Anything at all."
"I will say the same to and about you. I meant what I said, Saint."
"You'll marry me if I want that? If I want to be engaged, you'll do it right now?"
"Whenever," Perth replied. "Although, I planned on surprising you."
"Soon?" Saint whispered, clenching onto Perth's shoulders.
"Yes," Perth agreed with a smile, "I think so.'
Saint grinned and pressed his lips to Perth's briefly before pulling away.
"You're crying," Perth whispered and
Saint smiled, wiping away tears.
"I'm happy," Saint said, a small hiccup escaping his lips. "I thought that you may see marriage as silly-"
"I can't wait for you to be Saint Tanapon," Perth said nearly breathlessly because Saint was just stunning, so overwhelmingly extraordinary.
"I've considered giving it time but I'm afraid," Perth admitted. It was one of the first times he's instigated a talk about his feelings.
"What are you afraid of?" Saint asked as he laid his head on Perth's chest, listening to the man's heartbeat.
"I'm afraid you'll get tired of me," Perth said so softly that Saint had barely managed to hear it.
"Perth," Saint said in slight surprise, sitting up so he could look at his lover again. "I wouldn't do that,"
"It does seem highly unlikely," Perth agreed. "But I know how I can get. One of these days you may get sick of my bipolar issues-"
"We are working on it and that's what I wanted you to do. You don't want to see a therapist or take medicine but you're going to do it for me and that means so much."
Perth grinned and pulled Saint in for another kiss.
"You know that I love you, Saint."
"I do... And you know that I love you." "And I'm so, so thankful for that."
