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"Mum, what's Jannah like?" Tabeer worded the query that had been plaguing her mind for some time, hopping on one of the spotless marble kitchen counters as she did so.
Her mother, a short and plump lady with sharp eyes and and even sharper mind, averted her eyes from the stove and towards her daughter. The striking brown of her eyes immediately melted into a honeyed copper.
"Imagine every hardship you know that has plagued our world."
"Every hardship? Even period cramps?"
Faiza nodded, a laugh escaping her lips. "Yes."
"Even a needle that has pricked us?"
"Everything, meri jaan. Leave out no flinch, no itch, no tear."
"Okay," Tabeer nodded, and it didn't take much for her to piece together a collage in her mind. She plucked out a picture of the suicide attacks from a week ago, the bloodshed, the lies and deceit of politics, the limbless people she'd see sleeping on the street.
"What next?" She questioned.
"Imagine a world free of it all."
Tabeer allowed the confines of her mind to expand until she was no longer in the kitchen, but a world where she saw smiles and laughter and insurmountable joy every corner she turned. No lies, no deceit, no murders, no bloodshed. She saw a world pure and untainted, no more blotches of black and grey and everything in between. Tabeer saw white.
"So?"
Tabeer retraced her steps back into reality, and the little peace that had been swirling within her died out. With a defeated sigh, she realized her world and the world she'd imagined were poles apart.
"Mum," Tabeer mumbled. "Is that what Jannah is like?"
"For all we know, that may just be a sliver of it," Faiza said, her gaze set on the chicken frying on the stove. "Jannah is not merely something you and I can imagine, Tabeer. This is why we must always pray we are allowed into it through Allah's Mercy."
"What if I'm never allowed in?"
"What makes you think so?"
"I don't know," Tabeer frowned. "What would Allah love in me that He'd send me into Jannah?"
"Don't doubt Allah's Mercy."
"I still don't think I'm deserving of a place as pure and untainted."
"You're only 19. You have your whole life ahead of you, and is a lifetime not enough to prove you're worthy of it?"
Tabeer's heart sighed and she slumped her shoulders. "I think it is."
"Just remember never to stop working for it."
"Thank you, Mum." Tabeer ran her fingers over the counter, feeling the smooth stone under her palms. "On second thoughts, is it alright if I visit Zari tomorrow?"
Faiza turned around and maintained eye contact with Tabeer for what felt like hours, her gaze sharp and piercing. Tabeer felt her Mum was biting back her words. Silence descended upon the mother daughter, and the only sounds around them were those of Faiza moving her spatula around in the pot.
"Mum, if you don't want me to go, I won't."
"Tabeer, I have good reason for it. I don't sense she's best for your spiritual and mental health."
"I know." Tabeer lowered her eyes, her eyelashes falling over her cheeks. "But she's been there for me more than anyone else ever has."
"Honey, the only reason you hold your friendship with her in such high regard is because of your history."
Tabeer saw flashes of her first days in college when the rest of her classmates had assumed she was mute, or born without a tongue while Zari, boisterous and flamboyant as she was, had taken her under her wing. And soom after, Usaam too. The three of them stuck to each other throughout the two years of college and planned on continuing their education in the same University campus.
They'd experienced some memorable times together, but soon, Zari had begun to change colors.
Involved with shady people and lingering a while longer in the shadows, Zari wasn't someone Tabeer could maintain relations with any longer, but despite her aversion towards her, Tabeer still carried with her the burden of Zari's favors in their early college days. They technically weren't, and neither had Zari stated so, but Tabeer knew she owed the other girl for it all.
"Mum, I can't just abandoned her without reason."
"Honey, first of all, you have not just one but many reasons." Faiza set her spatula down. "Secondly, it's not abandoning when you'll treasure your Emaan by doing so."
"Mum..."
"What does your heart tell you?"
Tabeer's chest rose and fell as once again, small snippets of her friendship with Zari passed before her eyes, and through it all, through all of Zari's mischief and her fabrications of reality, Tabeer dug out the realization that she did not want to be with a person like her any longer.
But she had to. It was, to her, a moral obligation.
Tabeer shook her head. "I can't leave her."
Faiza's face remained blank, expressionless as she turned back to the stove. "Remember, Tabeer. When you love someone for Allah's sake, you're ready to give them up for Allah's sake. And if you're not, you need to rethink your reasons for maintaining the bond."
