Colours

Black

It was quick like falling in a black hole. The one that sucks you in so quickly you know you cannot fight it back, you don't even want to try. Everything happened in such moment that I wasn't fully aware of myself letting him enter my heart. He flew in so rapidly I couldn't make myself stop him. A moment, the millionth part of a second was enough for me to fall. It seemed impossible to leave it behind and move on, something trapped me from that very first second and there wasn't any possible way out.

The first day of high school, the day when I was most terrified than ever before in my life. Fear didn't give me peace, my heart couldn't stop beating like a drum shower. And it lasted like that during the whole day. But then I saw him. He was walking down the same part of street as I was, with the same step and speed; nervously quickly. One look was enough, one short look into those dark, deep, black eyes, and I was done. He was there, he simply set himself in the middle of my heart, and there wasn't any of his intention to go away. Suddenly, my fear wasn't that big as it was in the beginning, part of it just flew away. At first, I simply thought he was just another random guy I will probably never see again, but when I realized he was my age, and even more, that he was meant to go to the very same class as me, my happiness had no end. In the first hour spent in my new school, my moods changed from horribly scared to impossibly happy in a slight of a second. No one ever affected on me like him. Still, that wasn't quite enough for me to completely calm down, new class and new people fairly scared the hell out of me on the very first day. But despite my fears and rejection to that new place I was meant to go to for 4 upcoming years, I had something I was looking forward to every single day; seeing him.

He was perfect like an angel to me. I wasn't aware he was more of a "black angel", I didn't see further than those black eyes which made me smile and shiver at the same time. A year before, when I was still 8th grade and occupied mostly with movie and book characters, I promised myself that my first boyfriend and true love is going to be as perfect and beautiful as those characters I adored and loved. But most of all, I wished for him to have dark hair and eyes so beautifully black that I would feel like I'm going to pass out every single time he would look at me. Coincidence or not, I still don't know the answer on that question, but it made me fall pretty quick and pretty hard for him.

I was shy as always, but I strongly forced myself to start talking to him, which I never did before. While I was meeting all of the new people, I was so terrified and didn't dare to approach to anyone, except him. The first days I had spent mostly talking to him and just a few interesting girls who didn't seem that scary. Days were passing by quicker than usual, the top of every long day was our conversation or look, no matter how long would it last, I was satisfied and happy. We slowly met each other and with every new thing he would tell me, I would imagine him more and more perfect.

Only two weeks from the first day of school, I could officially admit I was completely in love. The feeling was so better than the one when I was still a child stuck in the group of idiots in elementary school. Every day I would nervously be waiting for him to come, just to say "Hello", smile or maybe compliment my looks that day. Yes, exactly that. I had never heard a compliment from any boy till that year, and I couldn't believe his words. He told me how my hair looked great on some day, how one trousers really fitted my figure, how the colour of my lipstick made my lips look beautiful and so on. It was pure flirting every time we would have the opportunity to hang out, and it was all new for me, but it made me feel better about myself. Everything made me happy, I looked the world around me literally through "pink glasses", there wasn't a single flaw on him in my opinion.

But as well as I was incredibly happy each time he was close to me, I was also aware of other girls being close to him, especially that one sweet, little girl who was around him all the time. My fears started to wake up and choke me, and no one around me, except my best friend, who was a year older in the same school. I still wasn't very confident about people I had around myself and was hanging out with, so I kept it for myself, but it was even worse that way. Slowly, my fears were coming true. For the first time ever, I was forced to look at those awful scenes I hoped for never to see. The boy I was in love with, and the girl who I hated the most, together in front of my eyes. He was kissing and hugging her, and didn't even notice I was there, next to them. I still remember that cold wind which was blowing that day, carrying everything through the city. It was slapping my wet face and freezing my tears, as my heart was slowly cracking in a speechless, most quiet mode. It was something I never truly felt till that day. All I ever knew of love was that one day it will hurt, but it can also be beautiful. Finally, that awful pain was set up deep inside my heart, and from that day, I knew my look on love will never be the same again. Letting all of the held tears, I was running through grey, empty streets, wondering why did I have to see that. It would be just enough for me to hear it, the worst part were the pictures stuck in my head. For each picture, there was one new crack on my heart. But it wasn't broken to the end.