Winnies POV
The weekend of my birthday we kind of had a party where Cruz joined too. I've never had my birthday with friends so it was really exciting. As I got ready I thought about how Cruz and I have been friends for the last 7 months and this is the happiest i've been in the longest time. I learned a lot about him and his mom's not exactly the greatest nor is his mind set. I notice the little things like when he gets anxiety when we go out or when he gets quiet or distant. I always try to be a distraction and make everyday fun even if i'm not there. The next week we went to In and Out after school and went back to my house to watch movies. It eventually became more and more of a routine to have him come over and when he wasn't over we always facetimed and would watch movies together over facetime like After, My girl, or even The notebook. It was always exciting to go to school because now I actually had a reason to get up or be happy. It was always exciting to hear from him because I couldn't wait to hear of a terrible idea he had or a new adventure plan for the weekend. All I knew was he was my best friend, and he didn't have really any other friends so I figured I most likely was his. Everyday was like summer from going to the mall to the park even class he would start something like spreading pretzels across the room to every classmate. Ever since Cruz everyday was an adventure. One night when me and Cruz went out we ended up going to an empty field to see the stars obviously he had no patience for it but he got to play whatever music he wanted. We took goofy videos and after a bit we started talking about things, how we see the world, that stuff till he asked if he could ask me something. "anything" I smiled. "What happened to your dad?" He asked curiously. I paused for a moment.
"My dad?" I thought out loud.
"Umm...When I was 12 my dad started getting sick...he was the type to always be around for everything and never miss a thing and he was always on top of things. But then we started noticing little things like when he wouldn't remember directions to places he drove to daily and it just got worse. When your 12 you look forward to the father daughter dances and the debating even the excitement of annoying him, but I didn't get to think about that when I was 12. We took him to the doctors and found out he had Alzheimers, we don't know how it started or why it was moving so quick but by the time I was 14 the last week of his life I stayed with him and would watch movies with him in the hospital....but the last 2 days of his life he didn't even remember who I was...He'd forgotten about me" I said tearing up.
"My mom completely shut down and so did I..." I looked back at Cruz and he looked sorry. I wish I had changed the subject instead.
"Is that why you're sad all the time? Why your angry?" He asked shyly.
"Thats a lot of it, that's why I don't like keeping people around or close by cause you don't know when they're gonna leave...I don't know when i'm gonna leave...all I know is most of the time i'm just sad all the time even when im faking it" I said. "Have you ever tempted suicide?" He asked.
"Sure hasn't everyone? Not with anything serious... I've tried to OD on a few things but I always thought about my mom...she is so broken Cruz...she tries to make up for it but doesn't know how to....I can't leave her she's already sad and lonely as it is... sometimes hurting myself is the best coping skill I have to help others'' and that's the truth. I didn't feel much after 14 and I was ok with that.
"But you help...you actually make me happy, kind of pull me out of the hole you know. You make everyday a little less shitty" I said, almost counting the stars.
"Have you ever tried?" I asked.
Cruz POV
I thought about it and didn't know if I wanted to tell her but I wanted to be honest.
"Ya...25 minutes before I met you...in the bathroom I had a bottle of painkillers" I told her leaning against the car.
"I've been suicidal for as long as I could remember, there's never been a time where I've been consistently happy, just sad or empty. Someone can care about me with all their heart and it wouldn't change a thing... its nothing personal its just how my mind works. Im mentally Unstable thats all"
"When was the last time you tried?" I asked her.
"2 weeks after being friends with you so almost 7 months ago"
"Well you gotta promise no more trying that shit ok" I told her.
"Thats not fair... Only if you promise your not gonna leave me...no dying, pinky promise?.."
"What the hell is a pinky promise?" I laughed
"Just do it... no going away if I gotta stick around so do you" She smiled back.
I hesitated but wanted her to stay around so I promised. It went both ways. She smiled like a little kid and we went on about talking. I felt bad promising her because I knew I couldn't keep that promise... I don't want to be around, I just want to die and move on but if it keeps her happy and somewhat stops her from her trying it maybe it's for the best. Sometimes lying is the best help you can give someone. I cared about her more than I did about most people surprisingly. I could set fire to the world and wouldn't let one flame touch her. As much as I loved being best friends with her, at times I wish I never met her. Maybe it would have been easier to commit knowing I wasnt gonna hurt anyone, especially her. I don't want to cause her anymore pain and loss. It was strange though I never had if I stay or if I go matter to anyone... I know it mattered to her a lot but for me it feels like I'm fighting against myself... I'm glad I matter to her but I wonder what it feels like.
YOU ARE READING
See You Tomorrow (Boy Best Friend)
Teen Fiction"See you tomorrow" it's like it was a promise. He was broken and had no one but so was she. They both hated people but somehow they didn't hate each other. After they met it changed their life forever, they did everything together. Until one night a...
