Feelings Are Dumb: Zolu

Chapter 3: You Idiot

(Warning: angst towards the end)

The next couple of days went by as they normally would. Zoro was busy either training or sleeping. Sanji divided his time between the kitchen and Nami as she directed the ship toward the next island. Usopp and Chopper were busy with their experiments. Luffy was napping at the head of the ship.

Zoro was doing his best to keep his mind off of Luffy. It seemed like any time he wasn't immediately thinking about training or sleeping, he thought of Luffy. The way his deep black hair waved in the wind. How he smiled any time he and Zoro made eye contact.

That night, when Sanji announced it was time for dinner, Zoro stayed out on the deck by himself. It was really the only time he could be fully alone and try to clear his head. "God, what would the others say if they found out?" Zoro wasn't just worried about Luffy's reaction, he was worried about his crewmates as well. "What if we start dating and they don't like it? Shit, I can't think like that. I don't even know if he feels the same way. Alright, I'll just do my best to keep it a secret. I'm pretty sure crushes just kinda go away after a little while anyway." Zoro had no idea if they actually did or not, but he knew he couldn't tell anyone about this.

"HEY ZORO!!!" Zoro jumped from the sudden shout and Luffy ran up to get his surprised friend. Luffy was still chewing his food so he swallowed it all in one big gulp. "Why weren't you at dinner tonight?" Luffy tilted his head to the side and his dark black eyes glimmered a bit in the moon light. "He's so close." Zoro caught himself and quickly threw any thoughts about him liking Luffy out of his head. "Ehh, just didn't feel like it. Plus I ate a lot of lunch." Luffy looked content and smiled wide. "He's so stupid." Zoro tried to say something more, but was cut off by his shorter friend. "Alright well, I just wanted to check on you, if you get hungry just let me know, and I'll have Sanji make us both something!" Luffy laughed as he ran back into the kitchen, presumably to get more food. Zoro stood there, frozen from Luffy's sudden exit. "You stupid idiot, can't you see I wanted you to stay." Zoro sat down on the deck and rested his back against the railing. He tried to listen to the calm sea to get his mind off Luffy. It helped a little, and soon the green haired swordsman was fast asleep.

"Oi, you stupid marimo. Wake up." Zoro felt something kick him in his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes to see a pair of long lanky legs. "What do you want shit-chef?" Zoro asked, barely awake. "I noticed you didn't eat anything tonight. No one skips a meal on this ship, even you." Sanji dropped a plate of food in front of Zoro and walked away. He blew out a puff of smoke as he left. "If you waste even a drop of food I'll kick your ass."

Zoro wanted to make a remark back at the chef but was too busy eating to do so. It wasn't like Zoro to skip a meal so he was pretty hungry. It finally hit Zoro that it was still dark out, probably meaning everyone else was asleep. He looked up to see Luffy in the crow's nest. It was his turn for watch tonight. Zoro wondered if Luffy saw him from up there, and if Luffy gave him any thought. Zoro pushed the thought out of his mind, as he knew Luffy's mind was almost always occupied with food. There was little room for anything else.

Honestly, it made Zoro kind of sad, he seemed to have fallen for the best yet worst person possible. Yeah Luffy's cute and an overall great person, but at the same time, even if something were to happen between the two of them, Zoro doubts Luffy would even think much on it. If Zoro was being honest with himself, he could probably tell Luffy he loved him and then Luffy would respond, "I love you too Zoro, along with the rest of my crew. I love all of you!" This wasn't what Zoro wanted, he wanted to be selfish and have Luffy for himself, but he knew it would never happen. Luffy was just so oblivious.

Suddenly, a pair of small rubbery hands grabbed at the back of Zoro's shirt, pinching his skin and bringing him back to reality. "You've gotta be kidding me." Zoro braced himself as the hands yanked him up to the crows nest and almost sent him flying. He landed in the nest with a loud thud. There was a short, lanky figure facing him and smiling. "Not very graceful huh?" The figure laughed and then sat with his legs crossed next to Zoro. "Well you did toss me up here. Which by the way... DO THAT AGAIN AND I'M GONNA KILL YOU DAMN IT!" Luffy wasn't taken aback by the yelling at all and, in fact, seemed to find it hilarious. "Anyway what do you want Luffy?" "Oh nothing, I just thought you seemed lonely so I brought you up here so I could keep you company." Luffy smiled wide again and Zoro tried his best to hide his blushing cheeks as Luffy scooted closer to the swordsman. Luffy yawned really big and laid his head on the taller ones shoulders. "I'm tired. Let's nap for a bit." A warm feeling began to stir in Zoro's chest and his heart beat sped up. Zoro tried to think up a response, but Luffy was already asleep. Zoro gently rested his head on Luffy's, making sure not to wake up the small boy. It was quite uncomfortable for Zoro, considering the height difference even just in their torsos, but he did not mind. His heart beat slowed as Zoro relaxed and took in every sight, sound, and feeling.

He could feel Luffy's soft hair brushing against his cheeks, hear Luffy's soft breathing, and watch the young boy drift away deeper and deeper into sleep. Zoro's neck started to ache from the position, but he dared not move. He was too happy to move. He didn't care who saw them or what happened next, he just wanted the moment to last forever.

Unfortunately for Zoro, the moment did not last very long. Sanji yelled up at the nest, startling Zoro and waking up Luffy. Luffy got up and threw his upper body and arms over the railing. "WWWWHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTT." Luffy looked annoyed that he had been woken up, but his expression quickly changed when he saw the plate of meat Sanji was holding. "I thought I'd make you a snack since it's your turn for watch tonight. Come down here and get it!" Zoro shifted lower in the crows nest so Sanji wouldn't see him as Luffy completely forgot about the other's company and rocketed down towards the deck. He could hear their conversation continue as they both walked into the kitchen but he didn't comprehend anything. All he could think about was how right he had been. Luffy hadn't known what he'd done to Zoro, and he'd probably never know unless Zoro or someone else spelled it out to him.

"Luffy probably thinks it's all a game, and he doesn't even know how much he's hurting me right now." Zoro continued to lay there, motionless. He couldn't believe what just happened. In the moment he had been hoping for, his greatest fear came true. There was no way Luffy felt the same. Zoro wasn't one for crying normally, but he could feel the tears coming on. As he cried silently in the nest, a new feeling drowned out all the others. It was as if Luffy had put a weight on his heart. He had felt defeated before, but this was different. This time, he couldn't find a way out of his situation.

Slowly, his sadness turned to frustration. He was angry, but couldn't say at what. Shortly after his silent crying turned to sobbing. He couldn't stop himself. He had put so much hope in Luffy all for nothing. In one loud burst, Zoro screamed out, angry at everything. Angry at Luffy, angry at Sanji, angry at the world for being so cruel. The tears stopped, but a few were still running down his face as he sat there. He didn't have the strength to wipe them away.

(A/N) Hi! So I didn't mean for this to be angsty towards the end but ya know what I actually like it and it's kinda what I was going for in the start. I knew this story was going to be less lovey dovey and more "realistic" I guess? Idk, I can't find the word for it. I'm also basing everything on my own experiences so yeah, if it seems all over the place sorry about that, anyway, I'll quit writing now, and start working on chapter 4! :)