𝓗𝓮𝔂 𝓐𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵 | 𝓓𝓪𝓻𝔂𝓵 𝓓𝓲𝔁𝓸𝓷

Chapter 43: A Painful Goodbye

I knelt beside Maggie trying to fight back more tears. Carl still gripped his mother hand as he also taught back tears.

"I can't do this."

"You have to," Lori said to Maggie. "Carl, baby I don't want you to be scared okay. This is what I want. This is right. Now, you-- you take care of your Daddy for me, all right and your new brother or sister," She said in a soothing tone.

"You don't have to do this," Carl begged his voice wavering as he fought back tears.

"You're gonna be fine," Lori consoled offering her son a smile. I didn't know how she could do it. "You are gonna best this world. I know you will. You are smart and you are strong, and you are so brave. And I love you."

"I love you too."

"You gotta do what's right baby. It's so easy to do the wrong thing in this world. So- so if it feels wrong, don't do it, alright? If it feels easy, don't do it. Don't let the world spoil you. You're so good. You're my sweet boy. The best thing I ever did and I love you."

I didn't stop the tears that were spilling down my face at this point as Carl hugged his Mum. I just felt so guilty so useless. She was going to die and there was nothing any of us could do to prevent it.

"Lilith," Lori reached out a hand for me. I took it and shuffled closer as Carl sniffed and handed Maggie his knife. "Can you look out for Carl for me? And-and Rick. This will be so hard on both of them and I- I want to know that there's someone looking out for them.."

"Of course," I sniffed. "Of course Lori. I will do whatever I can for them I promise you. We all will. We're a family and I'm so...so so sorry I can't save you," More tears streamed down my face out of guilt.

"It's okay... it's alright just make sure my baby survives. That's all that matters now. My baby. You look after them too?"

"I promise," I breathed out.

I moved back out of the way and allowed Carl back to his mother's side. Maggie was starting at the old C-section scar the tip of the knife centimetres away. I wrapped my hand around Maggie's and together we pushed the knife in along the scar. Lori screamed but passed out quickly.

"Stop it! You're killing her," Carl cried but Maggie continued giving me and Carl orders on what to do. Finally, Maggie got the baby out but it wasn't crying.

"Please, please," I whispered to myself as Maggie held the baby. When the baby started crying there was a small brief moment of relief and maybe even joy but the hurt and loss and panic and worry smothered it just as quickly as it had appeared.

Carl shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Maggie who quickly wrapped the baby up.

"We need to go," Maggie rose to her feet with the baby who was still crying. I still knelt at the floor staring at Lori she looked peaceful at least but...she was still gone.

"We can't leave her here," Carl objected. "She'll turn."

I still held the blood-soaked knife in my hands. "I can-"

"No, I'll do it. She's my Mom," Carl cut in with a tone that meant he wasn't going to argue.

Maggie didn't make much objection and began to leave. In a strange way, it was the only sort of closure that Carl could have. But I wasn't going to leave him alone for this.

"Are you sure Carl, you don't have to-"

"I'm sure," He nodded looking up at me through test filled eyes.

I sucked in a deep breath. "Okay..."
I put a hand on his shoulder. Carl bent down and gave his Mum one last kiss on the forehead before he pulled the trigger. It was the first time I had flinched at a gunshot in a long time. Carl was about to march past me but I stopped him and bent down to his level.

"Carl," I began trying to make eye contact with the boy who kept avoiding my gaze. "I can't lie. I never loved my mother but...I know what it's like to lose someone you love so so much-" I took a ragged breath. "And I know it hurts and I know you won't want to talk about it right now. But please learn from my mistakes don't break away don't isolate yourself from everyone else talk not right now. I know you need time but please. I'm here when you're ready and so is everyone else okay?" I finally held his gaze. He nodded briefly but stayed silent.

I let go of the boy and he darted for the door.

"Wait," I held the door shut. "I'll go first, but remember Carl and the baby are priority," I spoke to both Maggie and Carl. Though I hoped that maybe the walkers had dispersed again by now drawn off by some other presence. I needed to keep my mind on that for now nothing else.

I opened the door slowly and saw the faint shadow of some walker to the left so carefully I inched the door open and headed the other way. Thankfully, between me and the others, we managed to weave our way back through the corridors I made sure to remember the way so we could come back for Lori's body so she could be laid to rest properly.

Finally we emerged back into sunlight I was happy to see some of the others all safe and, from where I was standing, unharmed. Maggie and Carl went ahead as I stopped... Someone had to tell Rick. I steeled my nerves deciding I should be the one.

I could see instantly Rick knew something was wrong. He could see his daughter and son but not his wife.

"Rick," I took a deep breath. "Rick we tried all we could but we could- couldn't save her. I'm so so sorry..." My vision started to blur with tears again. I tugged at my sleeves and tried to calm my breathing. Rick was crying and so was Carl. I just stood there picking at my sleeves wishing it would just go away, all the pain.

Slowly I made my way over to Daryl who was staring off into the distance.
"Daryl..." I spoke softly tugging the edge of his shirt. It was strange I never felt like this. I was supposed the strong one like him not an emotional mess but once it had started I couldn't stop it was as if all the things I chosen not to sit on, not to feel had suddenly ripped to the surface.

He turned to look at me with sympathy filled eyes as he pulled me into a hug. But then it dawned on me that Lori wasn't the only one missing. I pulled back to look up at Daryl.

"T and Carol? Where are they?"

Daryl shook his head sadly and handed me Carol's headscarf. I took in another deep shaky breath.

I remembered why I had decided to keep away from people. The hurt that came with caring. I tore away from Daryl and started to pace again along the fence. I wanted to break something, hurt something, kill something.

"Leave me alone Daryl," I tried walking the way from the redneck as I heard him approach.

He grabbed my arm tightly and jerk me towards him.

"You've been on my ass everyday since we met so I ain't gonna let you just walk away from me when the shoes on the other foot," He said with determination. "You don't get to just walk away. They need ya and I need ya." He wiped away some of the tears from my face.

I closed the small distance between us and kissed him. It was only short but it helped. Just being around him helped.

"Okay... The baby, we need formula. We need to check the perimeter. We need- we need to dig graves," I listed finally feeling a little back in control of things.

"That's my fancy pants." Daryl offered me the smallest of smiles. "I'm going on a run with Maggie we'll be back soon. You and Glenn are in charge now. Rick ain't doin so hot," he explained.

"Okay, just please...dont take too long," I asked looking up at him. He leant down and kissed me quickly.

"I promise. I'll see ya in a minute fancy pants."

"You better Angel."