i can admit i am not fireproof (i hope i do not burden you) ✧ ONESHOT

i can admit i am not fireproof (i hope i do not burden you)

From where Murphy was standing, or rather bent over, he could see the mass expanse of space. A black void speckled with stars and a glimpse of the polluted planet he and his friends had once called home. Though, when Murphy looked out through the glass, all he could think was that it all looked so empty, like a never-ending pit of darkness and nothingness that was just kind of... there.

The endless void of onyx reminded Murphy of the own confines of his brain, inner demons keeping him chained up and bruised.

"-Say you're not worthless and I'll let you go," Bellamy grunted again, his grip firm and warm against Murphy's right arm and the back of his neck. It was the first time someone had touched him so closely in weeks, maybe months, he'd lost count at that point. "Murphy-"

"-Fine! Fine, whatever. I'm not worthless," Murphy snapped. "Now get the hell off of me."

Bellamy moved away from him slightly and Murphy suppressed a shiver at the sudden loss of warmth. The side of the Ark he'd chosen to call home had very little heat, so his body wasn't used to warmth like that anymore. "See, that wasn't so hard," Bellamy breathed.

"Just because you said and you made me say it doesn't mean it isn't true," Murphy spat. "The only reason you're even up here right now is that you pity me. I bet Monty has me on suicide watch by now because of what happened to Jasper."

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows. "What? I came up here because I wanted to check on you and bring you food. Murphy, I care about-"

"-Shut. Up," Murphy practically hissed, eyes darkening. "All of this is just a way for you to maintain your hero complex because there's no other way for you to do that up here but news flash Bellamy, nothing you say is going to ever make a difference. I don't trust you and I never will because all that has ever gotten me is-" Murphy cut himself off when his voice cracked slightly. "You should just leave."

"Murphy-"

"-Go away, Bellamy," he said. "Leave me alone. I don't want you here."

"I'm not going anywhere, Murphy. Talk to me. Please."

"About what, Bellamy? What the hell do you want to know that you don't already?"

Bellamy sighed, taking a step closer to Murphy. Murphy took a step back as he did. "Why did you leave our side of the Ark? It's cold over here and painfully quiet. There's no way you can actually like it here."

"Maybe after everything that's happened over the years I deserve to be here. There's no reason for me to go back to the group anyway. They all hate me and even if any of them didn't or if you didn't, your expectations of me are too high and you'd eventually hate me anyway," Murphy said, voice growing louder and angrier after every sentence. "I ruin everything I touch."

"That's not true," Bellamy responded. "We all have our faults and we've all screwed up but you're worth more than that. You don't have to coop yourself up in here just because you think you deserve it. You deserve better than this."

"You don't know shit about what I deserve," Murphy argued. "Do you also think I deserved to be hung for something I didn't do and then also banished by something I didn't do? Both were done by you by the way, in case you forgot, the first actual friend I thought I had besides Mbege since I was a kid. Do you also think I deserved to still be treated like dirt after I came back to camp after the grounder tortured me? After I held out for three days to protect the people who tried to kill me?"

"Murphy-"

"-No you're gonna let me fucking talk," Murphy cut him off. Bellamy could see his hands shaking with rage as he paced whilst he ranted. "Do you think I deserved to be trapped in an underground bunker for weeks on end until I ran out of food and almost shot myself so I didn't have to starve to death?"