jepic (dan howell x jedward)

buying drugs or some shit idk

dan opened google on his phone and, through mistypes, he stumbled on a convenient drug selling website. according to the website, there were a lot more drugs than he thought there was. he muttered aloud to himself 'what the fuck is a disco biscuit?'. because he was really drunk from the 1 wkd, he decided to take a risk and be goofy and buy and 1 disco biscuit and some weed. as a teen, dan was the type of kid to rat other students out for having drugs in school, and, even in his 20s, he still had 'narc vibes' according to his roommates. however, tonight dan would no longer be a grass and was now officially off the rails. dan made the purchase online and started walking to meet the dealer in town.

the night air was cold as balls. in his head he wished he hadnt dressed like such a slag, but the grind never stops and the weather cannot stop him. the walk took about 15 minutes, which was way too long in his opinion, but still not long enough to make him warm. he was still very drunk and stumbled about the pavement until he reached his destination: a dimly lit alleyway.

he was only waiting for the dealer to arrive for around a minute before someone turned the corner and met him in the alley. 'wagwan my drilla, you got the money?' the criminal drug seller asked with a thick irish accent. he wore a black puffa jacket with a hood and a bum bag across his chest. as he fumbled in his pockets for his spiderman wallet, dan couldnt help but feel magnetised to the mysterious man. 'h-how much did you s-say it was again?' he stuttered, grabbing some notes. '£100 for the one gram of marajuana and one e, my g' the stranger pulled his hood down, revealing his gorgeous face, caked in stage makeup. dan was instantly captivated by the irish dealer, his bleach damages hair looked like white straw under the sultry glow of the street lamp and his eyes shone brightly, counting the money he'd just been handed.

'whats taking so long ed bruv?' a second man walked into the alley, identical to the first. twins. they had the exact same platinum jimmy neutron hair and full face of makeup, complete with red lipstick which contrasted their full black chav fit. they were gorgeous. 'oi mandem bare peng, innit' said the second twin. 'innit bruv, mans leng still' the first, edward, replied. dan assumed they were speaking another language because the pair were incomprehensible. he took the two baggies, slurred out a thank you and began to walk home before they called after him. 'mans wanna go back to the gaff?' the second twin yelled. dan couldnt understand what the question was asking but he nodded his head anyway, preparing himself for whatever the rest of the night had in store for him.