heart-eye howell

pancakes and plans

when I woke up the next morning, I couldn't remember where I was. Everything looked so familiar, yet so different? The moment I properly opened my eyes, I remembered everything. I smiled and turned around to find the other side of the bed empty. I got up and walked into our kitchen, where Phil was already busy making pancakes. He hadn't noticed me yet. I sneaked behind the kitchen counter, hugged him from the back and kissed his neck softly. He smiled.

"Good morning, beautiful!" , he said while cracking an egg into a bowl.

Instead of an answer I stepped in front of him, pulled him closer and kissed him. A little while after that, breakfast was ready. We sat down and Phil placed a full plate in front of me.

"I really hope you like them", he said, a bright smile on his face.

I took my first bite and felt as if heaven exploded in my mouth.

"they taste amazing", I mumbled.

He laughed and started eating himself. As much as I enjoyed the breakfast, after having finished one pancake I felt guilt rise up in my body. I tried to tell myself that Phil loves me the way I am, but the voices kept telling me about how he will leave me because I will get fat and ugly. Even though I had tried so hard, my appetite was gone.

"is something wrong?" , he asked me, while glancing at my plate, worried.

"no, no, not at all, they are....wonderful, its just....that... that I'm pretty full, that's all" I said, turning red.

"Dan you had one pancake and you haven't eaten since yesterday afternoon. Tell me, what's wrong?"

"I don't know", I whispered, "I just don't want you to leave me"

"why on earth would I leave you?", he asked surprised, and took my hands "I love you, Dan Howell"

"but you won't love me when I'm fat and ugly", I said quietly, looking away.

He got up, and pulled me into his arms.

"first of all, you will not get fat, from what you are doing here you will starve yourself to death and then we can't be together and second, I will always love you, no matter if you are 100, 200 or 1000 pounds, I will not stop loving you because of the way you look or how much you weigh", he said and kissed the top of my head.

I ended up finishing my plate and even though the guilt wasn't gone, I felt a lot better than before. I saw the relieved look in Phil's face when I smiled at him after taking the last bite.

The rest of the day was rather lazy. Phil was editing a new video and I was lying around, preparing stuff for the radioshow, and just scrolling through tumblr.
In the evening, we were cuddled up on the couch.

"Dan?", Phil asked.

"What's wrong, love?", I responded, slightly turning to face him.

"How will this all continue? I mean, will we tell our fans? And if yes, how and when? When will we tell our family? Do they know you are gay? There are so questions yet to be answered and I don't know how 'bout you but I really do not feel comfortable just ignoring these things. Our friends will find out eventually, anyways."

I stared out of the window blankly.

"I know what you mean, I have been thinking about this, too.", I answered. "I feel like our family amd friends should know it as soon as possible, before they hear any rumours, I want to tell them in person."

"you're right. Maybe we should really tell them like, I don't know, this weekend?", Phil asked, looking at me.

"Okay, so how 'bout we just travel to your parents and next stop are my parents? And when we get home, we tell our closest friends?", I suggested.

"Sounds like a plan", Phil said and smiled. "I'm so happy we are doing this, I love you!"

As an answer I just snuggled into his side and kissed his neck. "I love you too", I whispered.

A/N:
short chapter, I know. Maybe I will write another one today. also, there might be some smut soon, we'll see ((: