Lovers Despair

     She watched as the casket was lowered into the ground, with tears glossing over her dark ash colored eyes. You could smell the liquor she had drank the night before, the stuff that gets her through the nights now. Her face looked pale and sickly, her eyes were swollen and bruised , her ruby red lipstick was slightly smeared and looked like dried blood on the side of her mouth, her black dull hair was greasy and up in a low bun, and she was wearing a beautiful long black dress with maroon peaking through in layers and around the waist made from silk and lace.

     She looked around as everyone talked and ate with each other during the wake. What is wrong with these people?! She thought to herself as she glared at the picture of her deceased financé. She remembered the words he spoke before he went to war. "Would you carry me to the end?" Those words had stuck with her all this time and she still didn't know what they meant at this point. She must have gotten lost in her train of thought because she didn't even realize that almost everyone was gone at this point.

     Once everyone was gone, she knew that she was alone... Alone with her depressing, sleep depriving thoughts again. She stepped out of the dimly lit Cathedral and took out a light and a cigarette from her purse. As she took a puff of the Camel cigarette and watched as the smoke came pouring out of her mouth, she thought of the fact that everybody was going to leave this world eventually... It was just a matter of time before everyone she ever loved was dead, no way of stopping it, no way of knowing exactly when they would die, just that everyone has an invisible clock ticking down to their demise.

     "Hey dear, it's getting late,you should probably start heading home. The cemetery is about to close." A man that looked to be in his mid 40's said with a heavy accent. He must be the grounds keeper, or at least a nigh guard. She thought to herself as she put out her cigarette and said "you keep my fiancé safe; you hear me?" But alas, the man was gone. The walk home drove her nuts to say the least. Why did that man disappear? Where did he go? Am I going insane? No, no, no... I can't be going insane; it is just my emotions getting the better of me. She feels her heart start to race and her breathing start to become more rapid by the second. It feels like she was shot in the chest with bullets. The sinking feeling becoming more and more pronounced with each passing minute.

     She tried to scream but she couldn't find her voice. It had disappeared just like all her thoughts as well. Feeling like she was about to pass out, she slowly made her way to a familiar street. This street just so happened to have a park nearby. Although her mouth was dry and her body was weak, she started calming down once she made it onto park grounds. The moon filled the night sky with just enough light to see where she was going. She decided to sit on the swings for a moment just to catch her breath. Her thoughts finally catching up to her. I need to get home she thought, getting up from the swing and making her way out of the park.

     After she got home, she didn't even bother taking off her mess of a dress. She was just happy to finally be home and safe. The next morning went as normal as any other morning had ever been since she had lost her love. Opening the full bottle of whiskey and taking a swig of it, she didn't even flinch as it went down her throat so smoothly now. Her fiancé would be ashamed of her. But at this point, she didn't care. She was lost in a nightmare, a nightmare she couldn't wake up from unfortunately. And almost in the blink of an eye, that bottle was downed by none other than herself.

     Almost a year later and she still couldn't face it... The days growing darker and colder. Winter was fast approaching, but that just meant more holidays without him. She decided today was the day that she would go to his grave site. She stopped by the flower shop so she could put them on this grave, but she also needed to make a quick stop somewhere else as well before hand.

     As she arrived at the cemetery, she looked up at the big dark grey gates that held all the dead within it's reach. Going through those gates was the first step to being able to finally let go and she knew that was the hardest part of this all. Walking through the cemetery gave her the chills. Especially when she approached her fiancés grave. His tombstone was coated in a thick layer of dirt and grime. She tried her best to clean it, but she wasn't there to make it look perfect. She had other plans.

     She grabbed the garbage bag that had brought with her and looked through it a shovel, the flowers, her engagement ring, and a bottle of cyanide.  She took the shovel and started digging the dirt from his grave. And Soon, she made it to his coffin. She reached into her bag one last time and took out the flowers, the ring, and the cyanide. She said "My love, I will be with you soon." And with that she downed the cyanide and laid down in the coffin with her love once more.

                                                    The End