Mathematicians and Scientists (Saanvi×Ben)

Chapter 1: More than Research

Saanvi

It's been about a month since the plane returned, and it feels like my life may be getting back to a new normal. I'm getting close to figuring out what happened to us on flight 828, I've made new friends, and I'm finally getting over Alex. I have hope that us 828ers will get through this together.

Ben is the source of most of this hope.
He's been around here a lot lately. I know it's for research as he too wants to discover what happened to us, but I have a feeling it could be more than that. Ben is so focused on others that he forgets himself. He makes you feel like you're the only thing that matters. Everytime I'm around him, I can't help but have feelings.

I continue to tell myself that it's ridiculous! He's a married man, and I am a scientist. I of all people should have the brains to know that breaking up a marriage is stupid. He's in love with his wife, and I don't want to jeapordize his family.

I turn my attention to my research. If I could discover what's creating the blood marker, then I would understand a key part of what happened to us and maybe what is creating the callings.

I was so focused on my research, I didn't hear anyone come in.

"Well somebody's hard at work - as usual."

"Ben!" I nearly jump out of my skin. Act natural I remind myself.

"Somebody's jumpy," he says, " I didn't mean to interrupt your research, but I need a favor."

"It's no interruption at all. What do you need? "

"Can you run a DNA test for me?"

"Of course. What for? "

"Well...Grace is pregnant. The issue is, we don't know who the father is. I came to you because I need someone who understands 828 to run the test. I don't know what other things may be discovered from the test. I don't want anyone to stumble across the blood marker."

It takes a second to sink in...she's pregnant! Of course I should've known it possible. I mean, they are married, but with all their recent drama, I wanted to think they weren't in a super intimate relationship.

"Of course," I manage to spit out, "Bring her in this afternoon and I can run the test."

" Thank you so much, Saanvi," He says as he rubs his hand down my arm and leaves.

That's the thing about Ben. I never know if things like this are just friendly or if it means more, and I don't have a way to find out quite yet.

 
If that baby isn't his, then I wonder what they are going to do. Knowing Ben, he will want to fix things and somehow save the family. But, I see the way Grace looks at Danny. She still loves him. If Ben isn't the dad, I don't know if he'll stand a chance.

***

I arrive at my therapist, Ellen's, office around 12:55. I take five minutes to think before I go in. There's so much at stake with this pregnancy, I don't know what to hope for. I care about Ben, yes, but I shouldn't root for the baby not to be his. He has a wife and a family. The family could be ripped apart, but this is the only way we could have any real relationship. I'm not sure what I want. I don't want to watch Ben be in pain. The idea is repulsing as he's already been in so much. I just need to think logically. Ben's family sticking together seems to be most logical as it benefits the most people.

I walk into Ellen's office and take a seat on the couch. She is always so friendly. I begin talking about everything that happened to Michaela with the accident and her having been shot.

"We're not even related, but after everything we've been through, she feels like family," I say, "Speaking of which, the only downside is I will miss seeing the Stones around the hospital."

As I say Stones, I try not to think of Ben. I try to think of Michaela and Cal, but the image of Ben lingers in my head for a second too long.

"You mean Ben." She replies.

"Sorry?" I say as casually as possible.

She can't know. No one can.

"I hear how you talk about him."

I feel my face begin to flush and a smile emerging. What a giveaway. I am terrible with my own secrets.

"Am I wrong?" She asks.

"I hadn't even thought about it." I try to deny, but it's not use "...much," I stammer.

"You don't have to beat yourself up about it. You and Ben have been through a traumatic journey together. You have seen Ben at his most vulnerable. That's appealing," She replies.

And she's right.

"It's best for me not to think about him in that way, that's impossible."
I tell her about the pregnancy and what's at stake with the test. She seems to understand and tells me that she's rooting for us. Honestly, I'm not sure who to root for at this point.