Pontiac, Michigan welcomes me home with open arms. I never realized how much you could miss a place you've hated for so long, I'd forgotten the very words I had engraved in my mind. What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead, it never made you stronger, NEVER.
Walking up to the familiar white washed surface of the very front door I use to try to run from, I knock. At first, no one answers, but after a little bit of commotion from the other side of the door, it creaks open to reveal a pretty much older version of me. "Mum." I choke back the tears that suddenly rush to my eyes, as she spreads her arms to embrace me.
*****Chris Motionless*****
Please forgive me for wondering If my love ever truly engraved in your heart like the finest poetry on concrete.I'm suddenly so, so angry.
How could you leave us like that? How do you just walk away? How does someone decide another person just isn't as important to them anymore? I want to understand. I need closure. All these questions are echoing in my head, screaming at me.
"Chris babe are you okay?" Ricky asks, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. We're always so intimate, all of us,but I dont want his arm around me,I dont want to be intimate, so I brush him off.
"She left because of you." I growl quietly. He looks at me profoundly confused, like he has no idea what I meant.
"What?" he asks me and it urkes me. And I'll tell you now, that up until now, he has never once urked me."Just leave me alone for awhile Ricky. I'm going to go home," I pause to address everyone.
*
Days feel like years in this house, a fact I've forgotten in my bliss of freedom. The only thing that keeps me going from time to time is the fact that Chris, Josh and Hanna sometimes come up to visit me. Not very long, or often, but they have visited several times over the last year I've been home.
"When are you expecting your little friends this time?" Mum asks me in her drug induced haze. The same haze she's been living in.
" In, like, two days Mum." I shrug "Why?" She lovingly pats my arm. Like she always does when she feels emotional.
"When is your Da coming home?" She asks this alot too but Like I do everytime, I remind her he's dead. Then she locks herself inside herself, and leaves for a long week to wherever she feels is a better place
YOU ARE READING
Hold On to this lullaby even when the musics gone (Motionless in White and D.R.U.G.S FF)
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