Azriel relied on the light of the day to save him from the darkness. To keep him from the shadows and scars that haunted his nightmares.
Tahlia relied on the darkness to save her from the light. By keeping to the shadows, she can protect her future...
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Trust is built in very small moments
And every moment with you I will cherish like it's my last
---
There had been times where Azriel had doubted his credibility of being a good person, but none stood out quite as much as it did in that moment, standing in the door frame of Cassian's room trying to figure out how to answer his question. It should have been an easy thing to answer, so why was his tongue and mind tied in so many knots he couldn't figure out where either ended or began?
"I can't tell if you didn't hear me or you're genuinely stuck trying to answer. If it's the latter, should we be worried?" Azriel could only shake his head, no. He'd only asked him where he'd been, still the sickening feeling burning holes into his stomach made him feel like he was missing something else entirely. "Well there's a start."
And his mind was roiling, throwing accusations and thoughts at him like physical stones that had him recoiling. They crashed over him until he felt like he was drowning on it or feasting on them until he choked.
It seemed bizarre for him to be so ruffled and Cassian was laid back just like he had been ten minutes ago when Azriel had first thrown open the door. It was the silence- the very uncharacteristic quiet coming from Cassian- that had him blurting,
"I left Tahlia in Spring." Though he said it quiet enough that he hoped Cassian couldn't hear, or through some miracle it would somehow become untrue.
"I beg your- excuse me? Come again? I don't think I heard right, I went for a fly earlier and I must've got some dirt stuck in my ear." And to emphasise his point, one of his fingers dug deep in the chasm of his ear, mocking the fact he was cleaning it out.
"I left Tahlia in Spring. Alone." Because it was true. He'd done that, had through some bizarre thought process come to the conclusion that that would be the best way to go about things. Pushing her away was one thing but pushing her into one of the most dangerous places in Prythian on her own-
"You left to find your dagger." Cassian said, eyes crinkling with the effort of piecing together stray information and standing up from his bed to pace. "And came home leaving a female alone in enemy territory. In a baron wasteland filled with... Tamlin!"
"It sounds bad." It was bad. It was fucking terrible and still he could not come up with one singular excuse that was reasonable. Couldn't even get his head around how the whole situation came to be in the first place. "It is bad. I shouldn't have done that." And he was a whole two seconds away from going back.
"Did you find your blade?"
"Cassian!"
"Sorry I just- I don't get it, honestly. You left for your blade." And it wasn't a lie either. He had partially gone for his blade, and everything that followed had happened so fast it didn't even quite feel real to him either.
