lollipops and neighbors

Prolog.

Seoul, January of 2022.

The world is unfair, everybody knows.

I wish that we could just restart.

I hate that this is drawing us apart.

We made memories and laughed and smiled, but then again,

We also cried.

We shouted, screamed, and turned to leave, wore our hearts on our sleeve.

Devil spoke in my ear 'leave, just go, dissapear!'

Im sorry.

I tried, i really did.

You were the only one there.

You promised me that you wouldn't leave.. and i regret putting my faith in you now.

There's no place for me, not even my family, my friends, not even you care.

To my mother.

Im sorry.

Im sorry that i tried to act strong, like you always wished me to.

That im trying my hardest to hard my weakness.

Im sorry that at the moment i thought that me and my mental health was more important.

Im sorry that i cared about myself for once.

Im sorry i couldn't turn from ugly to beautiful overnight.

Im sorry that i work myself off just to get those grades you want me to get.

Im sorry that i cry myself to sleep.

Im sorry that i sleep too much, trying to escape the reality.

Im sorry that im always trying everything you suggest me to.

Im sorry that i like being alone, than being with you, always telling me what i did wrong again.

Im sorry for believing in myself.

Im sorry for being me.

To my father,

Thank you. For everything.

Thank you for loving my brother.

Thank you for the small talks we have when you come here every month.

I love you.

To my trainers,

Im sorry for working on my homework,

Im sorry for getting there late.

Im sorry for missing a beat when you tell me not to.

Im sorry for working myself to the point i won't sleep just to train.

Im sorry that you have to scold me every week during evaluations.

Im sorry that others are starting to get better than me.

To you.

Remember that night? When everything felt so simple.

All of us were there, just laying on the comfortable grass as we all looked up to the stars.

We used to promise each other that one day, we'll all gather back together to go back to that field.

I might not make it there, maybe next time?

Do you remember when you held me tightly? As both of us warmed each other up by pulling ourselves into our own embrace.

I remembered how strong i felt back then.

When you snuggled into my chest, looking for warmth.

It was so nice to feel needed.

It wasn't supposed to end this way.

Why did you have to do that?

When all i needed was your comfort, when you were the only one i could seek comfort to.

Why did you have to follow your parents? We could've stayed together if we fought, just a little bit more.

All those years together, but you decided that it would be the best time to break my heart?

Please move on. It wasn't your fault. I want you to be the happiest girl in this planet.

I can never hide the fact that i trust you the most, so i want to trust my brother to you.

My one and only brother.

Don't go through my path, even if you do.. take care of yourself.

I love you more than anything.

It's been around 5 years since we last saw each other, i hope you're ok..

Im sorry i never got the chance to meet you personally during those 5 years.

Don't be sad about me, im not regretting my decision.

Y/N-ah..

Live your life to its fullest.

Thank you for always being there for me and cheering me up for the first 13 years of your life.

Such a bummer that we can't go to my graduation right?

Don't worry, im smiling while writing this. You don't have to apologize, im the one who should.

It's a shame you were sent off, i wanted to at least hug you once more.

Everyone seems to always get what they want, even when it's so hard.

All i want is for someone to be there for me everyday. Can't i just have that?

Don't feel bad little bro, you were definitely the best brother i could ask for.

You, were the one who stayed by my side.

Im thankful for you slipping in your words of encouragement whenever you were allowed to use your phone.

But it's fine.

Im fine.

To everyone,

Im sorry for trying.

I've always loved the wind ever since i was little, everytime something felt hard..

It relaxes me with its breeze.

Telling me that they're there for me through thick and thin.

So to the skies, i want to say sorry to you.

To the wind, i want to say sorry to you.

This might be the last time we meet each other,

But atleast you're the last feeling i remember.

Im taking the leap.

Wind? I feel you brushing through my skin as everything in the world stopped.

The sunset in Seoul was always beautiful.

It always will be.

I could feel all my muscles relax.

This was supposed to be my last time here, im thankful it at least felt nice.

As i finally feel my heart stop,

Just for a split second, i could hear all the people in the streets talking to each other.

Here it is, im actually jumping now.

Goodbye.

-

"NOO!"