Life's return

So, you like jazz?

TW: Swearing, Long monologue, New York being petty. 

"Alright Polar fleece, but I just want to warn you, it's a really long story." New York stretched his back with an audible pop.  "A few moths ago, we had huge earthquake. Bunch of dead people came back, from the looks of things It's the same everywhere. 

" I managed to get in contact with Jersey. Thank God he kept his little winged bastards fed. The other original 11 meet with me in our usual spot, once we found it. Did I mention the world got warped?"

"No, but we noticed," America said.

"I saw it when I flew over to that village UN set up." Alaska turned towards her older brother. "The square especially."

"Alright, so I don't need to tell you how the radio, internet and power were all out. It was a bitch but we managed to get a hold of the southerners and the mid west. Once we got all us forty eight mainlanders we needed to get a hold of you and Hula-hoop."

"Hasn't Hawaii asked you to stop calling her that?" Alabama asked. They grabbed East Germany and pulled him back down to  the log between Them and Mississippi. 

"Could you kindly shut the fuck up?" New York sneered.

He was answered with a chuckle.

"Anyway, Al, Sippi, Tex, Lu, Cali and me went to check your place. Peaches, Jersey, Mittens and the twin Dakotas went to check on Hula."

"Wait, who?" America asked.

"You got Texas and California in the same vehicle with out a fight?" Alaska asked.

"Well, they knew damn well you wouldn't listen to Mittens and North D!" New York laughed.

"Why wouldn't she listen to Michigan?" America asked

"Not Michigan, Dad, York means Vermont," Mississippi explained as he made a show of sharpening a knife.

"Of course I mean Vermont, Michigan is still trying too hard to force it. Damn, Sippy- cup, keep up!

"So we gets to your place and and Yukon is there. She tells us you went looking for the bum and that the last you heard he was over in that little town UN set up for the Europeans so they would stop bitching about commutes."

"Wait, do you mean me?" America asked.

"I asked what she was doing there. She said You loaded up a crop duster and took off after our old man and left her in charge of your dogs."

"Did you see them? Where they okay?" Alaska asked.

"They were a little chunky, but they were getting plenty of food and exercise from what we could tell," Alabama said. They put down the knife they were sharpening to pull out a folding razor. East Germany's eyes widened with concern.

"I swear if they refuse kibble when I get back."

"Your dogs were fine, Polar bear. Yukon knows what she's doing.

"Any how, we fly over and Cali spotted your plane.  We all thought you were dead until I pointed out that your gun was gone and the lack of blood."

"Wasn't that Texas who noticed that?" Mississippi asked.

"Who's telling the story?" New York snapped. "As I was saying, we figured out you were alive. When we couldn't find any tracks, we figured you found some way to fly. Unfortunately, none of us can read Cyrillic, and while yours truly can speak it we couldn't find any locals in the middle of the god damned woods.

"Then we ran into the big bad commie herself."

"Wait, You guys actually ran into-"

"Ooh, Ooh can I tell this part?" Alabama asked, interrupting America.

"No, let me! It gets really cool!" Mississippi was almost bouncing.

"Did 'Laska ask You? No. Calm your tits." New York growled.

"So, what did happen?" Alaska asked.

"She said that it had been so long that she for got your face, so Cali pulls out this picture. Next thing I know we're all captured by God knows what. 

"Turns out the Commie is a witch. " 

"Oh! And she put these weird collars on us that made me pass out," Alabama said enthusiastically. "And then I saw in this big garage where I could mess around all I wanted but I had to swear my allegiance to her and communism so I said

"You're crazy! No!"

"And she was like, well I don't remember what she said on account that I'm pretty sure it was in Russian, but she seemed like she didn't mind all that much. Then it all went dark. Then I heard a bunch of people talking but I couldn't see anything."

"Bamma," New York said.

"And my face hurt really bad like I had been in a fight, and then everything was bright and I saw a younger version of dad! Then Soviet Union was all like

"Okay, does someone want the scrawny one or is he going into the soup?"

"And all these people were there and they were all yelling,

"Soup! Soup! Soup!"

"Al." New York said again.

"And then she threw me in the soup pot and it hurt like a sum' bitch, and all my meat fell of my bones."

"Alabama."

"But then I heard New York yelling and I knew it was bad."

"ALABAMA!"

"Yeah?"

"How is any of that necessary?"

"I'm building suspense!"

"Your giving Alaska nightmare fuel!" New York said, a paternal edge to his tone.

"Hardly," Alaska snorted. 

"What do you mean 'hardly'?"

"I'll tell you all later, you were saying, 'Bamma?"

"I was saying we cot captured by USSR briefly." New York glared at his sibling before continuing. " After her mind fuckery I woke up to some dead face mother fucker with big, leathery, red white and blue wings and the Vermont battle flag on their face."

"You shouldn't talk about Dixie like that, Yorkie." A voice came from the field. 

They all looked up. Texas and Louisiana were walking towards camp. The pair were just in ear shot.

"You're a lot shorter than I remember!" Alaska giggled as she stood.

"Ain't my fault you're a giant!" Texas shouted back in greeting. He looked to the group. "What are y'all doing, talking about your siblings behind their backs?"

"Aw, Tex, we were just telling Alaska and Dad how we got here!" Alabama said.

"Did you tell them the part where Alaska's dogs piled up on New York?"

"No, I tried to leave out the extraneous details." New York said with a frown.

"Well, which part were you on?"

"The part where York wet his-"

"I DID NOT!"

"OOH! Texas should tell this bit! He was the first one to wake up after Soviet did her stuff!"

"But I was-"

"It's alright York. You just rest your voice and speak up if I get something horrendously wrong."

Texas gave his brother a polite smile.

"Oh fuck you, I was tired any way."