Life's return

Regret

TW: More suicide themes, arguments

New York glanced at his sister and quickly looked away. His gut twisted in a knot as he watched her carry him. It wasn't like he forced America to eat the plants he picked, just asked him to identify them. It wasn't his fault their father chose the dumbass route.

"Hey y'all, how'd foraging go?" Texas asked. 

"Ask York. I need a piece of charcoal out the fire. He better pray I can get it ready fast enough." Louisiana set America down.

"Lou, it's not like he was the one handing him the plants," Alabama said.

"No." She said. Her face was hard as steal. 

"Woah, hold on now, what happened?" Texas asked.

"York was passing us plants he reckoned Dad would know," Mississippi said.

"Sippy and I thought it was weird that all of the plants he handed us were making Pa throw up," Alabama said quietly. They rubbed their eyes with a sniffle. "We figured we should see if Louisiana had an idea what one was-"

"And Al brought me this!" Louisiana took a forked stick of deadly night out of her foraging bag. "New York, I know damn well you know what this is." She shook it at him.

"Wait, how was Dad identifying it?" Texas asked.

"It's not my fault the old bastard ate everything." New York tried not to yell.

"Wait, how much did he eat?"

"I don know."

"From what Al and Sippy told me, he fed Dad all kinds of things." She waved the stick like a pointer. "But he won't tell me, so now I need to go find something to grind up charcoal with." She slammed the twig down on their make shift sorting table.

"We can do that!" Mississippi garbed Alabama. They hurried off, each trying to comfort the other.

"So, you made them-"

"I didn't make those two do anything. I gave them plants for Dad to identify, I never told him to eat them."

"So, did you know he was eating them?"

"It was kind of hard to ignore his gagging."

"Well damn! If you knew he was suicidal would you've handed him a gun?"

New York felt the warmth drain from his face. 

"I mean, it's not like-"

"The only reason Sippy and Bama didn't know is 'cause they never leave their garage!" Her voice cracked towards the end. "I could still see the hemlock, I thought I saw some tomato leaves. He would have known what most of those were!"

"Lou," Texas said, his voice thick with concern.

"What the hell did you give him?" She yelled.

"Lou, you need to calm down." 

"Calm down? My brother poisoned my father and you want me to calm down?"

"Go get your charcoal to clean him out."

"Do you really think he knew what-" New York couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. "Did, did I just? But he threw it up, I-"

"York. I need you to tell me what you-"

"He's gone!" Louisiana screamed.

"What?" Texas asked.

"Dad just up and gone!" Louisiana yelled.

 New York blinked, then a thought jumped to his mind.

"Where's the night shade?!?!"

"What?"

"Do you think h-"

"YES!"

They looked at the sorting table. The forked stick was gone.

"What y'all looking so scared about?" Dixie asked, Alaska and California close behind him. 

"York poisoned Dad and now he's gone missing!" Louisiana snapped.

"What?"

"Dad ate a bunch of plants he knew were toxic and now he's wandered off with some night shade." New York felt purpose rise in him. "Are you going to help us look or not?"

"We found a good crushing rock!" Alabama said.

"And a good grinding rock!" Mississippi added.

"Help me get a piece of charcoal out the fire!" Louisiana ordered. Her voice was steadied now, but her face was streaked with tears.

"He couldn't have gone far!" New York said.

"What? Wanna finish the job?" Louisiana barked.

"There's safety in pairs, I'll go with you." Texas made a hand gesture to Louisiana. She shot New York one last iron clad glare.

"'Laska, can you Cali and Dixie help Lou?" Texas said.

"What the hell happened?"

"We'll 'plain when we get back. Now either hunt Dad or help Lou." Texas grabbed New York and dragged him towards the woods. Once they were out of ear shot he let out an angry sigh.

"So. Why'd you do it?"

"I, I saw him eat the mushroom and I guess I felt like I was showing him some of the hell he put us through. He kept throwing it up so I thought he'd be fine..."

"He didn't look fine when y'all showed up."

"I, I fucked up okay! I came here to find 'Laska, then Dad shows up and tries to act like everything is fine and he didn't just hide in a bottle for the last hundred some years and I tried ignoring him and-" his voice cracked and he chocked back tears. "I can't just move on from that. Where was this when we were kids? When we needed him, and he just crawled into a bottle."

"Well, you can't hold on to that forever-"

"Oh, so you want me to pretend it never happened? Like he didn't just dump the younger ones on us?" York felt rage build in his stomach. "I'll admit, what I did was fucked up. And maybe it was worse than what he did. But he doesn't get to just waltz back into our lives because he want's to play Daddy now!" His breath quickened.

 "I just wanted to give him some idea of what he put us through. Like when he left Alaska and Hawaii home alone for days at a time and they waited up for him. Or when he drove that herd into the lake because he was high and wanted to wash them. Or the time he locked Oklahoma in the basement because he forgot he was down there, and he was down there for three days and I didn't fucking notice because-"

"Hey," Texas said gently.

"I, didn't think he'd," New York took a shuddering breath. "He threw it up! I, he..."

"You gonna do it again?"

"No. I just want to find him, and slap the shit out of him."

"And hear him out, right?"

"I said I want to find him!"

"Alright. We'll find him."