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Chapter 21 (part 1)

I find Identity is such a difficult subject to talk about. It can mean so many things, and yet, at the same time very little as well. I have had a lot of ...self-discovery - yeah I'll go with that. You see a lot of people like to say you 'find yourself in your teenage years' which they may believe but I think you 'find yourself' a lot earlier - especially for me. It's more like a crisis you never really overcome and I don't think I ever will overcome my crisis. I think people barely stay afloat in a world that is making us sink slowly but steadily. That's a dark thought I don't want to go back to... I have known people who struggle with self-identity and they struggle to fit within boundaries that they can't seem to escape being confined to. They aren't comfortable in their own skin and they hate it.

Me personally, I consider myself to be pretty comfortable with who I am as I am currently aside from that. Sure I've experienced some messed up events in my youth, But I like to say I've powered through them and became more 'like normal' or as 'normal' as I can pretend to be. The only issue I have is that I never feel whole in my soul - like there is another part of me out there. It sounds laughable, mad even, but It's the truth. My truth. And I don't like that. I wondered what it meant for a while when I was around 15, give or take a few months? years?, so I got interested in tarot cards, reading tea leaves and the likes but that's beside the point. I'm talking about me - my identity - who I am. It sounds dramatic and I like that. One day once I've retired I'll go on a self-discovery adventure. Find out who I am, "How far I'll go" and once I'm satisfied I'll settle down with my Horde of Dogs(which I will definitely have by then like a ... crazy dog lady, I guess? We'll work on it).

I'll start from the beginning for you guys; before the freefall that was my descent into hell. You'll never get to see my dog pack, which is upsetting (then again, neither will I) but we'll get over it. The name's Anderson. Grace Anderson and I'm 21 years old studying Psychology in my final year; I'm aiming to be a psychotherapist in the East London NHS Foundation Trust because of...reasons. I don't want to even think about that right now, it makes my skin crawl thinking about it. That got deep quickly, sorry. I like to draw - in fact I got an A* in Art when I did my A levels, along with Psychology and Theology and Philosophy because I'm a 'high achiever' according to my friends. Me and my parents live in Kensington with a pet Dog called Snuffles - I'm a nerd, I know - who can be a real bitch sometimes but I love him to death. My parents are cold but I like to think they love me even though I'm a bit of a trouble child (Insert awkward laugh). 

So my dad's name is William Anderson (obviously we have the same name) and he is the epitome of stone cold hearted Lawyer. In fact he is famous for it - he can sniff out a lie a mile away. He puts his career over his family; I like to say he is having an affair with his job but if I think about it more he may end up leaving us for his job... I don't want to think of a future like that. My Mum's name is Sophie Anderson and she is the exact opposite of my Dad; If he is stone she is a cloud - floating around wherever. She is a Doctor who works in Paediatrics so I guess her personality was perfect for that. I like to say that my idea of going into medicine was because of her, but it was because of something else as well. I used to visit their works after school or on weekends when I couldn't be looked after by the nanny. That changed after the incident that occurred at my dad's work. I never visited either of them at work again.

Anyways, that's a quick little summary of my family for you so you know me better. My life was ruined on my birthday. Birthday, of all days the happiest one of my life? Really? But in all seriousness my life ended on my Birthday. I was drunk out of my mind so most of the night was blurry but I do remember my parents shouting about something - they do it so often I decided to ignore it as I do so often. I always do. But when I woke up in the morning my life changed.