A sinking feeling. Like something bad's going to happen.
Has that ever happened to you?
Like you've done something wrong. Like you're just sitting there, waiting for the consequences to arrive, and dump themselves onto you.
Crushing you.
A burning behind your eyes. The constant threat of bursting into tears. Of sobbing uncontrollably, of whimpering.
Of being weak. Acting weak. Seeming weak.
At any time.
How embarrassing.
You badly want it all to go. To disappear away, and leave you alone.
But it doesn't.
You desperately want to let it all out. To let it pour out, and then wash away.
Just a distant memory.
But it doesn't work like that.
It never does.
Suffocating. That's what it feels like.
Like you're trapped. Limited.
You can't do much. Can't do anything.
Anything you do, it just brings more in.
You're alone.
Everything you do, it's never right.
Someone will always find something wrong with it. With you.
That's just how it is.
Nobody's the same. Everyone sees everything through different eyes.
And these different eyes in turn, affect others.
It's not their fault. It's not anyone's fault.
It's yours.
A burden.
That's what you are. That's what it all is.
You can't ask anyone for help.
They'll try and understand.
But it could hurt them instead.
The sharpness, the rawness.
Everything.
You can't risk it all transferring to them.
That wouldn't be fair on them. They never asked for it.
They never deserved it.
You're stuck now. You don't know what to do.
Every corner leads to a dead end.
Another, dead end.
You're sick now. Sick and tired of everything.
Why can't it all just go away? Why can't it all just become easier?
But life never works that way.
It has to look out for everyone. It can't just favour you; it can't just focus on helping you.
It has more important people to care for. To tend to.
The heavy feeling's back.
You try desperately to find some outlet. To try and let everything go. A pitiful attempt.
You find something small. Something that won't let others know.
Something that'll keep the burden a safe secret. That won't worry others, or interrupt their own lives and problems.
A hairtie. A small stone. A rubber band. A dirty eraser.
Stretching it, flipping it. Squeezing it, tangling it up.
It eases the stiffness a bit. You can breathe again.
But the burning doesn't go. Neither does the heaviness, nor the tightness.
You desperately continue.
Please work, please work.
It does. But only temporarily.
And eventually you can't hold it anymore.
The moment someone looks at you. At your 'neutral' face; trying so hard to pull yourself together.
The moment they speak. The words slowly rolling off their tongue.
The final trigger.
You can't hold it back anymore. You can't restrain the reins anymore. Everything's falling apart.
You're not in control anymore.
The tears flow, uncontrollable.
Stop. No. I can't. Not here. Everyone might see.
No no. No. Not happening.
It's not working.
Soft sniffles escape.
No. Stop.
A flow of sobs.
Stop. Nope.
You can't control it anymore.
You lost.
YOU ARE READING
labyrinth
Random"He who fears he will suffer, suffers because he fears." life is a mysterious circumstance. quite the peculiar situation. because you never know what's coming next. it's unpredictable. it fools you, disguises itself, in the form of eve...
