labyrinth

21 | Thorn

Stretching awake, she lifted her head, blinking blearily. A quick look next to her confirmed her fear; plain white sheets, fluffy pillows and the tiny bear plushie.

No sign of the other body that had laid next to hers, strong arms trapping her comfortably in their warm hold, letting her snuggle into them.

He's gone. Again.

Every morning was the same. Wake up, and see your lover gone already. Work taking a huge toll on him and you.

A soft sigh left her lips as she got out, feet slipping out of habit into the fluffy black slippers, shuffling quietly into the bathroom. Taking in her bed-rumpled hair, the dark bags under her eyes. Another sigh.

She looks like crap. And she knows it.

Stepping out of the room, she ruffled up her hair, the house too silent.

The coffee machine started up. The rustle of papers, shuffle of slippers and a groan as she sank onto the couch, draping herself onto the fluffy blanket.

Dragging her laptop towards herself, munching on some crackers she blinked tiredly, typing away furiously, occasionally pausing to take a sip of the life-saving black drink next to her.

The rest of the day soon passed away, just as slow; the entire world seemingly stuck in that haze of drowsiness. Time moving just as sleepily, too tired - of work, of waking up alone. Of everything.

Getting up, trying to put on some music. Anything to fill up the empty silence haunting her. Dancing around the house, bobbing her heart to the beats, body moving to the rhythm of the lyrics.

It didn't work. And she eventually switched it off, flopping down. Back onto the couch, with the blankets; snuggling up, trying to get as warm as possible.

Missing the absence of another cuddling with her, body heat melting together into a warm cocoon.

She fell asleep, woke up later to the sun shining just as dully as everything else. Soft gray clouds drifting outside, no rain but not bright sunshine either.

Padding out towards the kitchen. Another cup of coffee goes into the machine, and comes out filled to the brim, bubbling and steaming. Another gulp drains down her throat, the familiar burn bringing some sense back, the haze slightly dissipating.

Not for too long though.

A small break, and back to the computer she went, fingers nimbly dancing over the keyboard, the clicking sounds echoing throughout the empty house. Pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, squinting at the overly bright screen. Referencing papers, pen tapping against her knee before she'd delve back into another furiously scribbling frenzy.

Trying to drown herself into her work. To forget about the emptiness inside, the monotonous cycle of everyday life.

It doesn't change. Nothing does. Everyday's the same.

A dull knife, glinting sadly in the light. A quiet mind, buzzing with thoughts, contemplating sadly on the continuity of work.

Darkness settling outside, sitting at the kitchen table. A cup of chocolate encased in her hands, slightly shivering in the chill of the night. Waiting, staring at the door, hopefully.

Watching him walk in, emotionless mask set on his face. Watching him look at her, dark eyes empty, before walking past her, into the room they shared.

Lying down next to him. Trying to shift closer, to get warmer.

Feeling him turn to the other side, pulling the duvet higher. Falling asleep to the thoughts repeating in her head, heart weighing down heavily.

Young nights, filled with laughter and smiles. Dark eyes twinkling, lightened up with the soft pink love lacing through them. Soft feather-touches and butterfly kisses.

Waking up the next day, ignoring the cold, empty space next to her. Another cup of coffee, more clicking sounds, scribbling violently on the papers.

The day again, spent on work. The night seeped in, and she sat down once again, curling up with a steaming mug of chocolate held tightly in between her fingers. He walked in again, giving her a side glance as he bent dow, carefully peeling his shoes off, and hanging up his coat.

And then he plodded back into the bedroom, already asleep by the time she finished drinking and came in.

Another night, sleeping alone.

How is it possible to feel so distant when you're right next to me?

Days, weeks, months. Time flew by.

And she still plodded on, every morning plopping onto the blanekted couch, diligently working on her computer and papers everyday, a cup of coffee next to her.

That night, she felt different. She'd finished her main project, and gotten a pay raise, and a promotion - life could never have been better.

Waiting excitedly, forgetting about the previous months. This time, she sat down, the smile on her face never leaving as she carefully prepared two cups of hot chocolate; one with slightly darker chocolate and two marshmallows. Just the way he liked it.

Waiting patiently, eagerly, for the door to open, and him to come back from work again.

But the doorknob never twisted open.

And soon midnight passed by, the clock hands slowly ticking.

The door never opened.

Laughter.

"I love you so much!"

Smiles. Sparkling eyes, and hands clutching onto each other. Curling up together, on the couch.

A fluffy blanket tucked around the two bodies, fitting together so perfectly as they laughed, sleep never coming.

"Mhm. I love you too."

His smile had lit up her world.

You loved me. That's what you told me.

You said forever together. You said nothing could ever drive us apart.

I believed you.

And I still don't know why I ever did.

Maybe I was just too blind. Maybe I was too ignorant.

Or maybe I just didn't want to know. To know the truth.

Maybe I just wanted to believe, even if just for one night, that everything you told me was true. That you loved me.

That all those sweet lies, flowers sprouting, twisting and blooming, were good for me.

Slowly growing bigger, sharper.

I never saw the thorns.