"you know i don't love you, right?" - wilhemina venable

4

Quick note: The piece is one of my favorite classical pieces ever, and by one of my favorite pianists. I feel like it captures the mood of this chapter well. You probably won't get past the 4-minute mark, but I highly recommend listening to 5:15-6:25. Also, I'm not going to bore you guys with mundane accounts of y/n's day, so just remember that -- means we're skipping forward a bit.

Also !!! There's a really great Chrome extension called InteractiveFics that you can use on a laptop/computer if you want a more immersive experience. You can change y/n to your actual name, and you can also change things like l/n, e/c, h/c, etc! Anything you want to replace, you can. (not sponsored lolz)

(This is also kind of smutty but nothing very graphic)

Anyways back to our regularly scheduled programming <3

"What's this?"

My grip tightened around the diary, but Wilhemina was way stronger with one hand than I was with two. She read over my latest entry, not paying mind to my wide eyes or bouncing leg. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words emerged, prompting my forfeit to silence.

I watched Wilhemina. I always watched her, but during this moment I watched more closely than ever. Through each of my attempts at calculating her thoughts, her face never changed. She was a fast reader, promptly putting the diary on the bed and looking down at me.

"You're late for breakfast."

That was all she said before she turned on her heel and walked out.

--

Wilhemina spent the entire day acting as if nothing had happened. It was so normal, well, as normal as it can get for the end of the world. All out of place for the night happened between us after dinner, when she whispered, "I expect to see you tonight," as she walked by. It was the only way she'd even slightly acknowledged it, and still, it was just by insinuating that nothing would change.

Was I scared? Yes, of course. Was I more scared of what she'd do if I didn't show up? Definitely. Wilhemina wasn't at all clingy, it wasn't like she loved me, but she hated disrespect. If I didn't show up after we had established that I would, she'd see that as incredibly disrespectful. Upsetting Wilhemina was the last thing I'd let myself do.

I'm in love with her.

I'm in love with her. And she knew.

I'm in love with her.

I'm in love with her. And she hadn't even so much as acknowledged it all day.

I'm in love with her.

I'm in love with her. And part of me thought maybe she might have loved me too. She didn't have to be in love with me, but if she had even an ounce of love to give, I'd have sacrificed anything for it.

I was standing outside her door, about to leave as to not face whatever gentle let-down she had coming for me, but she didn't even give me time to turn around before she yanked open the door and pulled me in.

To my delight, it didn't take long for her to make me forget she'd even read my diary. Her hands (and mouth) were all over me in a matter of seconds, and it took a similar amount of time to dissolve me into that same moaning mess she'd had me in so many nights prior. She let me have my release when I wanted it this time, though she didn't stop until quite a while after I had fully finished.

"Apologies," she said, after licking her lips and crawling up to me. "You just taste so... divine. It was hard not to keep going. I'm sure you're aware of all the fun I get out of... devouring you." She chuckled and kissed me softly, then laid down next to me, pulling me into her arms just as she had so many nights before. We laid there in silence for what seemed like at least an hour, but neither of us fell asleep.

(if you've read the teaser, you've read this next part already, but i'd recommend rereading it tbh.)

"y/n?" she whispered, eyes piercing daggers into the ceiling. Her hands rested firmly on my back, holding me against her.

"Yes?" I replied, my head still resting against her warm chest.

"You know I don't love you, right?"

I knew. Of course I knew. Ms Venable couldn't love anyone. Hell, she could barely love herself, let alone me. But hearing it coming from her burned gaping wounds into my chest. The lack of emotion in her voice almost made me get up and leave, but I couldn't. She wouldn't want me to. It was cold. She got cold during these nights, when even the fire couldn't heat up the room enough for her. I didn't want her to be cold. I'd have died of hypothermia before she even experienced a shiver if I could.

"Of course," I managed to reply, somehow keeping my composure. "Of course I know that."

"And you know I'm just using you for sex, yes?"

I nodded.

"So why are you letting me?"

I knew a confession wouldn't change anything between us. It wouldn't make her uncomfortable. She already knew how I felt. She knew how much she meant to me. She just didn't care.

"Because I love you too much to deprive you of anything, no matter how trivial."

"Why?"

"I don't know." I twisted a lock of her dark hair between my fingers. "I wish I never fell in love with you, Wilhemina, but here we are. here I am," I corrected. I was touch-starved in this place. lucky, and I suppose unlucky, for me, so was Ms Venable. She found me interesting, interesting enough to break her own rules. Despite the immense pain that came with all the pleasure, I deemed it worth it, because I wouldn't dream of trading an ounce of her happiness for all the love in the world. I went into this having the same intentions as she, though only one of us remained that way.

"So... you torture yourself with this notion, knowing these feelings you have for me, they'll never be returned?"

"Yes."

She scoffed. "I almost pity you, y/n."

"I know. Still, I'd do anything for you."

"I see." She pulled me in a bit tighter. "Goodnight,
y/n."

"Goodnight, Wilhemina."

Ending note: if anyone wants to dm my instagram, it's @dvdeadacct (not my main but just a place to message). don't be afraid to dm me here or there with requests, comments, or just to chat! also omg- i just remembered that the modeling agency i might sign with is called wilhelmina. the hold venny has on me is too strong tbh... xoxo dina <3