regret-1

153 3 0
                                    

after getting my coffee and comfort hoodie on, i sat in my chair and bounced my leg from distress. It was my first time getting back on twitch from my hiatus and all my dms and comments talking about it, made me feel like people weren't gonna be happy with me coming back. Mainly because I left without an answer, but that's what i'm gonna be doing today, is giving the people the explanation that they deserve.

But first off, my friend valkyrae invited me to play with her and her friends, but I was terrified. Yes I love valorant and that may calm some of my nerves, but i'm a shy person and i hate talking to a bunch of people which is ironic. But I think this will be fun, not for me but my fans who are gonna be hearing me shake in my chair. Yes "hearing" m, I don't show my face on twitch or basically anywhere because when I first started off I was too broke to get a facecam but also, just overtime I got used to being faceless and kept it.

It's 4:30pm, time to start getting ready. I got everything opened up, put on my headset, now the only thing missing is to hit the go live button...

"Helloo~! how's everyone doing? I missed you guys so much, we have a lot to catch up on..." i say after letting my view count go up and up. it was so exciting seeing the chat go crazy and the views I was getting, it reminded me of why I even streamed in the first place.

"alright so we need to talk about the elephant in the room and talk about: 'why was i gone for a couple months'. I just wasn't doing good mentally and felt like i just needed a break from the internet and people because there was some drama behind the scenes but now i'm better. i'm finally here and ready to play valorant with rae and her friends. I literally have never spoken to any of them, not even before I hit live button and i'm already shaking. you guys better not make fun of me on how awkward I act" i say laughing before i go on discord and open up our chat then go in vc. the real drama was that my now ex boyfriend, was treating me like garbage. i couldn't handle him belittling me and him treating his girl best friend better then me. and so i left and was so lonely and it spiraled me into a deep depression. but i had rae to help me get through it and that's why i'm still here.

"Hey Amai~!" rae started but i got nervous to even talk because so many important names were here like toast, corpse, poki, , karl and sykunno. in my regular streams i always collabed with other small streamers so this was a big step up.
I always wanted to collab with these people but knew i wasn't good enough for them but here i am now.

I got so red when everyone started saying hi to me, it's times like this i'm happy i'm a faceless twitch streamer because everyone would see how awkward I look. "hi everyone, so happy to play with you guys!" i try to push my nerves to the side so it wouldn't ruin the fun. after everyone got introduced we started playing a fun valorant match with me as astra.

"oh my gosh I can't even believe I got a ace. I'm sweating so hard!" i laughed at myself and read the chat, surprised to see that everyone was having a fun time. "but sykunno my gosh youre so good i'm so jealous of you!" i exclaimed. "oh thank you you're really good too" he said back. I felt butterflies in my tummy and got all nervous again. i muted myself in vc and squealed like a high school girl then my whole chat went wild

"ooo does she have a crush??"

"sykunno x [BLANK]"

"they're so cute for eachotherrrrr!!!"

of course I didn't mean to squeal but I was just so excited and happy. "oh my gosh this is fun! I need to play more games with these guys. but I forgot how intense this game is. I think this will be my last game I'm getting a headache. But i'm glad to be finally back." i said to my chat as i made kissing noises. I finally ended my stream and sighed.

after ending the stream me and the rest of the group kept chatting until we all left one by one, leaving me sykkuno alone in vc. "it's really fun playing with you, i didn't think there'd be anyone to match up to my level" i giggled. "oh yea i had loads of fun too, i'm really glad you decided to play with us" he said and i can just picture his smile. "well i have to go it's pretty late i should go. hopefully we play tomorrow?" i say. "yea definitely. bye sleep well" he says with a chuckle before ending the call.

i pulled back from my chair and dramatically sighed. "he's so cute" i say out loud. i couldn't help it. i did always think sykkuno was cute but never did i actually think i would get to talk to him. but i don't think it's right for me to be thinking like this, after all, we did just meet and i don't wanna ruin our friendship. at least the thought of him was nice.

i took my headset and decided to work out a bit before heading to bed. i had gotten really into exercising after my break up because it was the only way for me to get my frustration out but it turns out i loved it. not only did it help with my anger but my body has never felt and looked better. after an hour i took a shower and got dressed into pjs then headed into bed. i turned off my main light and then turned on my night light then finally rested my eyes. before being rudely awaken by a notification. i angrily checked it before seeing it was a notification on twitter and instagram that sykkuno followed me. my face softened and it turned to a smile. i sighed in happiness before turning on dnd and finally resting with a big grin of my face. maybe this is meant to be.

silent crush-sykunno x readerWhere stories live. Discover now