Oneiric Tryst

32. Diving

Seonghwa lent one of his leather jackets to Hongjoong before they went out to go shopping. On the occasion, they also moved Hongjoong's car out of the forbidden area. The streets filled with early work-goers only slowly, but only a few people crossed them in the sleepy grocery store. Hongjoong wandered the aisles with Seonghwa's hand clutched tightly in his as they searched for everything they needed. It took them twice as long compared to parting and each collecting half the ingredients, but Hongjoong didn't mind it. Both shared their sense of safety with their closeness.

With a bunch of fruit balanced on his arm, Seonghwa ultimately decided they were done. On the way to the register, they fought about who would pay, but Seonghwa ultimately won since Hongjoong had paid last time.

It reminded Hongjoong that this could be a date; them spending the day together at Seonghwa's flat. And a shy blush dusted his cheeks. The cashier gave them a tired smile over their quiet bickering.

Once they returned to Seonghwa's place, Hongjoong placed the man's jacket over the backrest of a chair and rolled up his sleeves. Seonghwa watched him with quiet adoration while he spread out the fruit and put all those they didn't need at the moment in a separate bowl. As soon as Hongjoong had finished his preparations, Seonghwa handed him a cutting board with chibi cats drawn on it and a knife that had cute strawberries decorating the blade. Hongjoong chuckled at the dangerous object that was so Seonghwa.

"How small do you want me to cut those?" Hongjoong gestured at the apples and pears. When Seonghwa motioned halving them and then doing stripes, Hongjoong went right to work.

While Hongjoong hacked away, Seonghwa prepared any bowls and utensils they might need. The chocolate melted on the stove, spreading its sweet aroma in the air.

"I'm trying to think where to start about my grandma... But I wouldn't even know where to begin if I could remember when it started."

Hongjoong concentrated on the rhythmic clicking of the knife on the cutting board.

"I figured it was part of your childhood already."

Humming, Seonghwa stirred in his pot. His shoulders were strained, his whole demeanour defensive like that of an injured animal. Hongjoong was pained to see him like this.

"Right. Back then, she already terrified me. But I thought it was normal. Since I never knew how it was supposed to be. I picked up on a lot of those things only later on. And why they were so terrifying to me," Seonghwa mumbled. His voice made it impossible to tell whether Hongjoong was allowed to bore deeper.

From the view of his side profile, Hongjoong could see his dark brows and the round cheeks that appeared whenever he thinned his lips. The need to poke that soft cheek surfaced at the wrong time. Hongjoong kept his fingers to himself.

"It was mostly the mindset. Either belittling me or making fun of me. Trying to push a certain image she wanted me to adopt on me. She took those things I enjoyed away from me and replaced them with things she enjoyed and found useful. Not about grades or skills or anything. Mostly just a strict copy of her morals. I think I was six when I already didn't want to visit her anymore because she invoked terror in me. I spent a lot of those weekends I spent at her place just running or hiding when she got angry at me."

The thought of a six-year-old Seonghwa cowering under his bed while the feet of his granny halted in front of it broke Hongjoong's heart. After that one dream, he knew she would sit on his hideout spots and trap him there. Probably talk, too, in that mock innocent voice. Hongjoong hacked his pears angrily. It took him every nerve not to interrupt and voice his hatred. Seonghwa wasn't done talking yet.

"Later, she often called me out either for my body weight during my chubby years or for copying my brother. She thought I didn't develop my own tastes and only ever blindly followed him. The irony that she wanted me to do just that for her." Seonghwa shook his head to himself.