Endless

A Confession

Dorian was swinging in his hammock on the top crew cabin floor. He could hear voices downstairs and wondered what they were doing. He looked down at the poster in his hand, and folded it away.

Someone came up the stairs and Ryder stormed past him. He turned and narrowed his eyes at Dorian. "You've no idea how fucking lucky you are." He spat, and stormed up the stairs to the deck. Dorian watched him go, confused, but eventually lay back down and put a bandana over his eyes. He was just about to drift off to sleep, when he was violently pulled from his hammock.

"Get up." I said, my voice cold and dangerous. "As your captain I demand that we speak in my cabin. Now."

"Aviva was that you with Ryder? What happened?" Dorian asked, standing up from the floor.

"It's captain to you," I said, and then under my breath, "as you've made it clear that that's how you want it to be."

I marched up the stairs and crossed the deck to my cabin. Dorian pursued, adjusting his clothes.

"James take the wheel!" I called to my second, who was teaching George how to shoot a gun. "We'll be a while."

"We will?" Dorian asked, nervous. "What's going on captain?"

I didn't reply. I gestured him towards the room and he walked in ahead of me. "What's-"

I closed the door behind me and pushed him against it. I kissed him hard. He seemed shocked at first but fell into it. We kissed for a while, then I pulled away. We were breathing fast. Dorian' brown hair fell in front of his blushing face, and his blue eyes shone brightly.

"I liked that." Dorian said, grinning and he moved in to kiss again. I moved away pulling his hands down.

"Why?" I asked him. "Because you love me? Because I love you Dorian."

He smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. "You've know idea how glad I am to hear you say that." And he kissed me again.

My heart ached. But I pulled away again. "Then why won't you love me?"

He seemed to realise what I meant. "Ah, yes."

"Yes?" I asked. "Yes, you remember how you kissed me that night? Yes you remember telling me that you didn't love me? Yes you-"

"I never said that." He interrupted, pained. "I would never say that."

"Yes you did." I spoke quietly.

"No I didn't. I never said I didn't love you." He looked at me, holding me tightly, pained expression on his face. "I said I couldn't."

"I don't know how it changes anything Dorian." I held his hands too, and my eyes brimmed with tears. "Do you love me?"

He held my face in his hands. "Yes." His voice was quiet, but certain. "I love you Aviva."

I laughed a little, out of relief. "Then will you marry me Dorian?" I kissed his cheek.

He didn't move. Dorian's expression changed. He held my hands with such tightness, like he didn't want to let me go. A tear began to roll down his cheek. "I'm sorry Aviva. I can't ."

"What?" My cheeks burned. "Why not?" My voice began to raise.

"It's complicated." He was at a loss for words. "Trust me on this one. Please."

"How is it complicated?" I began to pace around the room. I was hurt and confused.

Dorian moved after me. He took my hand. There was so much he wanted to say but he couldn't. His eyes were pleading with me. "I love you darling. Please don't walk from me. I want to marry you with all my heart."

"Then do it!" I cried. I was being irrational I know. I was usually such a strong person, the most feared pirate of the seven seas, and an incredible captain. But when it came to love it seemed as though I constantly lost. I just wanted answers.

"I can't say." He took me in his arms. "I can't do that to you. It wouldn't be fair."

"When has life ever been fair to us?" I exclaimed. "We've been through everything together Dorian. We've saved each other's lives. In more ways than one."

"I know." He said and kissed me. "I don't-think-I could-ever-live-without-you," he said between kisses. "But-I cant-make-you-live-through-a-complicated-life-at-my-expense."

I pulled away from him. I still didn't understand. I saw red. "Well you're not my only option Dorian."

Now he didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

"If you aren't willing to marry me then someone else will." I said and made my way to the door.

Dorian blocked my path. "What happened with Ryder?"

"Ryder asked for my hand." I said smugly. "And I refused. For you."

Dorian's face went livid. "How dare he."

"No. He's within his right to." I said. "He loves me. And he'll marry me. I blew him off because I believed that perhaps I could get you to change your mind. But you're not going to change. So I guess I'll go back and tell him the wedding's on then." I moved to get the door. Dorian still stood in my way.

"Don't go." He said quietly.

"Give me a reason to stay." I said quietly back.

He had a battle with himself. Dorian looked at me, begging me with his eyes. But I felt selfish. I felt I deserved to know.

"Aviva." He began. Every word caused him pain. "I love you. But don't make me do this. It's more complicated than you think."

"I have all day." I folded my arms and stood back. I took his hand and pulled him close. "Why can't you marry me?"

"Please Aviva, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Not even me? After everything?"

"I'm sorry."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Then say why you won't do it." A tear rolled down my cheek. "I can take it. Complicated as it might be. I'll fight for you Dorian. I'm strong enough for the both of us."

He seemed to believe me. "I don't want to lose you."

"Nothing you could ever do or say could push me away." I said and touched his cheek. "Tell me why, my darling."

"Because," Dorian gave in, and put his face against my hand. "Because my real name isn't Dorian. It's Theodore. Prince Theodore Orion Williamson. The rightful heir to the throne of England."