I WANT YOU SO BAD (BoyxBoy) | ✔

30. It goes both ways.

JORDAN’S POV

      I fucked up.  Fucked up, big time.

      Both George and Zach watched Nick’s retreating back and after he disappeared in the crowd both of their eyes landed on me at the time.  I gulped and searched my mind for any excuse to escape from that twin stare. 

      “Um… I- I..”  I stuttered.

      George’s hand landed on mine, which was fluttering nervously on the tabletop. 

      “You don’t owe us any explanation, Jordan.”  George's soothing voice reached me as Zach took his phone out and called someone.  Presumably Nick.

     I nodded faintly and stood. 

      I wanted to be anywhere but here.  I suddenly felt unwelcomed, I knew that the people who stood before me would never reprimand me for anything but it felt like I was the one who ruined our night out.  And in some way, it was true.

       I felt my eyes burn as I turned to walk away.  I just wanted to find someplace and curl there and die.  Why would nothing good ever happen to me?  I didn’t ask Brayden to text me, I didn’t wish Nick would look at that message, I didn’t hope that he would help me save myself from this spiral of self-destructing. 

      I knew that I should fight this battle alone from the start and even after Nick helping me with the important files, I never opened up myself with him.  And that would be my biggest mistake of all time.  Why can’t I just lean on somebody?  But I also knew by my fucked-up family and their ignorance about what happened, I learned to be alone.  And that is a very long habit to break. 

     A hand landed on my wrist and I turned around to look at Zach pulling me towards the car.  I silently walked and got in.  Steeling myself against the upcoming questions, I sat straighter. 

      But the question never came even as we got back to the house.  I felt someone would shout at me or even scold me for making Nick leave alone, but not even a single peep came.

     Which somehow made me feel even worse.

      I went outside to the backyard and sat down on the lone bench.  I could never forgive myself if I let this issue drive Nick away from me.

      Someone sat next to me and without even looking I know it was my best friend, Amelia.

      “What happened?  Zach said something was bothering you.”  Amelia asked softly.

     I felt the stinging at the back of my eyes.  Zach cared about me enough to not let Nick or my actions cloud his judgment.  He saw us as equals.  Even if his own brother was out to god knows where he still felt like he should check on me.  Even if it was with Amelia, the action counted.

      I laid down on her lap and let my legs hang on the rest of the bench.  Her fingers immediately started brushing through my hair as I contemplated telling her the biggest secret of my life that I promised myself that I would take to the grave.  But I was not the same Jordan.  I was not the loner kid, I had friends, family, and people who would not hesitate to help me. 

      “I was assaulted, Amelia.  Sexually assaulted.”  Her fingers stiffened against my head, but she didn’t say anything as she let me continue to talk.

      So, I started talking about how I felt because of that but left out Brayden’s name and all his recent activities.  But I told her how as a fourteen-year-old I felt.  Utterly abandoned and no one to turn to.

      By the end, both of us were crying silently.

     She lifted my head with both of her hands and kissed my forehead for a long time.  I squeezed my eyes shut and thought of her as my sister I never had and how I would have loved to have her at that age.