Below the Sky

Chapter 21: Luke

Abby and I were sitting on my bed, beginning a conversation I had been dreading for quite a while now. Ever since Abby found out what I did to Lila.
The expression on Abby's face wasn't stone cold, but it wasn't exactly comforting either. I would say she wore a neutral face, trying not to display too much emotion just with her facial features.
My palms were sweating, and my heart rate wasn't exactly at a steady, calm pace. Though I thought I had the benefit of the doubt in the situation with Lila, recent events had made me doubt that.
"Luke, do you understand why we're here?" Abby asked me.
"Ya I guess," I replied. My gaze drifted away from her for a second, moving towards the window. It was late afternoon, and the sun streamed through, lighting my room up. It was beautiful, and even for a second stole me away from my current situation.
"Okay Luke," Abby pulled me out of my daydreams, "we're going to have a serious conversation, and I'm going to explain to you why what you did to Lila was not okay, and how you can prevent yourself ever doing it again in the future, okay?"
"Ya," I said. This was nerve-racking, confusing, but maybe, just possibly, Abby was right.
"Okay, let's begin," the crinkles around around Abby's eyes softened, even for a moment. She inched closer to me, trying to make me feel more comfortable, more free to share my feelings.
"First off, when you first touched Lila, did you ask for her permission to do so?" Abby asked.
"No," I replied. Though I wasn't exactly my case with my response, I knew that I should at least try and answer truthfully.
"Okay, do you think there's anything wrong with that?"
"I suppose."
"Why do you think that?"
"Well, when I first kissed Lila, I should have made sure she wanted to. I guess that she could have been dreading that kiss, or disgusted by it, but I mainly kissed her for my pleasure."
"Good," Abby smiled, fleetingly. She seemed satisfied with my response, assuming that we were making some progress. "Okay, what about what happened in the forest with you two, was that right of you to get mad at her because she didn't want to?"
"No, I suppose not," I said somberly. If I thought back to it, really recalled what happened that fateful day, I realized that I did not treat Lila fairly. I had pulled her along, needed her to be not just willing, but exuberant to do with me what I wanted to do with her. She wasn't like that though. Instead she was quite the opposite, and when I discovered this I lashed out at her, probably terrifying her, and escalating her trauma already.
"Okay, okay good," Abby said. The distance between us was short, but it was still there, and I could still see the waves of happiness radiating off of Abby.
"Anything else you would like to add?" Abby asked.
"Well," I thought, "Even after what happened with Lila, I continuously denied that I had done anything wrong. I realize now that by not coming to terms with how horrible I was to Lila, I was causing more harm and destruction."
"Oh Luke, I'm so proud of you."

I beamed with happiness, the praise from Abby lighting my soul, and then so quickly I was in Abby's arms. She held me tight, her pride contagious. It was like a huge relief had just been lifted off her shoulders, making her feel more confident, calm. Her arms were reassuring, strong. They made me feel more sure of myself, and I soaked in every second I spent wrapped up in them.
It was over in the blink of an eye though. Abby pulled me away from our embrace, a colorful blush traveling up her face. I supposed she had felt it to then, that connection, but we didn't speak on it. Instead Abby grabbed my arm, setting aside the last minute of our lives, and pulled me out of my room.
"See," she said, dragging me away. "That wasn't that bad. Now that you have acknowledged what you did, we can move past it, and go apologize to Lila."
I halted, feeling my world lurch forward. Apologize to Lila? I knew deep down it was the right thing to do, but what would that mean? It would mean that I would have to have a worthwhile conversation with her, and then admit that what I had done to Lila was wrong. Not to apologizing to Abby, my roommate, who I had known for less than a month. No, to a girl I had been in love with for years, had tortured and traumatized. A girl I could barely think of right now, never less apologize to.
"What's wrong Luke?" Abby asked me, concern etched across her face.
"Do I really have to apologize to Lila?"
Suddenly Abby's features tightened. She looked at me, really looked, and her happiness vanished. "What do you mean do I really have to apologize to Lila? Of course you do, how will you and her move past this?"
"I don't know, I just figured that she probably doesn't even want to see me right now..."
"You know Lila could press charges for what you did to her, right?"
I stopped again, my heart rate suddenly racing. "Lila could press charges?" I mumbled, panic seeping through my bones.
"Ya Luke, since you touched Lila without consent, she could technically take this up with the law. And, her father's a lawyer."
This was entirely new information to me. I thought that what I did to Lila would blow over after some time, and we would go on like it never even happened. But this, I could be fined, or worse.
"Okay, I'll apologize to Lila," I relented. I was already dreading this, but I knew it had to be done.
"Good," Abby grabbed my arm again, pulling me away. She was obviously relieved. I on the other hand...
To say I was happy would be an overstatement. More, I was simply, content. Now Abby wasn't mad at me anymore, and I understood what I had truly done to Lila. At the same time though, panic and anxiety were dominant when I thought of apologizing to Lila. I knew that I should, that it was what was right. Still, I couldn't entirely control how that made me feel.