Lapse (Cordelia Goode x Reader Story)

This isn't the end?

This chapter will contain talks of self harm, drinking, and suicide attempts. If you are easily triggered I do not recommend reading this. Stay Safe!

I woke up to hear the sound of beeping and extremely bright lights. How? I couldn't even kill myself...I see a figure jump over to the bed, I didn't know who it was at first.

Cordelia: "Omg, you're awake! just rest honey, please."

Y/N: "C-Cordelia?"

Cordelia: "Yes, I'm here Y/N...always"

Did Cordelia jump in after me, she has cuts on her arms and legs? I did this to her, it's my fault...

Y/N: "I'm sorry D-Delia..."

Cordelia: "Hey you don't have to be sorry for anything, you're okay now that's all that matters to me!"

There was a long silence as I stared at the white ceiling listening to the clock ticking and the monitor beeping.

Cordelia: "You know you have to talk to me about this kiddo..."

Y/N: "I know." as I felt my tears start to build up, I looked away so Delia wouldn't notice

Cordelia: "Talk to me, please...that's all I want."

She grabbed my chin and turned my face towards her, I had tears streaming down my face.

Cordelia: "You're okay now, nothing can hurt you baby..." she wiped the tears from my face with her soft warm hands.

Y/N: "I just couldn't do it anymore, it was too much."

Cordelia: "What was?"

Y/N: "Everything, life, you..."

Cordelia: "What do you mean, me Y/N?"

Y/N: "I'm just a disappointment to you and everyone around me!" I'm bailing my eyes out and Cordelia tried to hold my wrist

Y/N: "Don't touch me please!"

Cordelia: "I-I'm sorry hun...why didn't you think to talk to me about this."

Y/N: "I did...I just didn't wanna burden you with my problems, you don't deserve that..."

Y/N: "I'm just like my parents, don't you get it? I drink all the time and all I know how to do is hurt myself! I'm nothing!" 

I'm barely able to form my sentences at this point and Delia notices, she tries to hold my hand again but slower. I couldn't and didn't want to tell her no. Her touch was so comforting and gave me warmth. I practically jump into her arms, I don't even remember the last time someone gave me a hug...maybe when I was 6? But, omg how much I needed that hug...it felt like time went still and nothing else mattered. 

Cordelia: "I'm here."

Y/N: "Why do you care about me so much, when I'm just a failure?"

Cordelia: "Stop calling yourself that, you're not. I don't understand how someone so beautiful and smart can do this to themselves..."

Y/N: "That's the point...keep all the ugly inside."

Cordelia: "You are beautiful inside and out! Do you hear me?"

Wiping my tears again, I only broke down more...I don't get it. No one has cared about me as much as Cordelia. I guess that's just her...she's probably just acting like this because she has to. It's her job to make sure I'm safe...

Cordelia: "Can we talk about your wrists Y/N..."

Y/N: "What's there to say."  I snap at her

Cordelia: "Why?"

Y/N: "I don't know..."

Cordelia: "Please kiddo, talk"

Y/N: "I don't know okay! It was the only way for me to actually feel something!"

Cordelia: "What do you mean?"

Y/N: "I have felt numb for as long as I remember and that blade was my only comfort, it was always there..."

Cordelia: "Oh honey..."

Y/N: "I just wanna feel something again and I deserve to feel pain...I've caused some many others pain by just being me so"

Cordelia: "Can I look Y/N..."

I nod because I already knew the water works were gonna start up as she turned my wrist around. Exposing all the lines, as she traced her fingers across them, I can see tears forming in her eyes as well. I hissed at the pain when she touched the recent ones.

Cordelia: "I am so sorry Y/N."