Ailynn Ranada 12:34 PM | Baton Rouge, LA October 31st, 2019
I was currently laying across my sofa listening to music & stuffing my face with snacks. I was doing everything in my power to make myself happy, even though it wasn't really working.
My social media had been blowing up since yesterday with fans asking me why I wasn't on stage with Kentrell. Some of them even been coming at me wrong, so I been blocking people as well.
The way I was feeling is hard to explain. It's like i'm slowly trying to come to terms with it that he cheated on me but something in me won't let me believe that it really happened.
Today was Halloween & I had no plans. Except for to lay down and watch movies probably. I felt my phone buzz about 3 times so I picked it up.
theshaderoomteens
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theshaderoomteens: #TSRPopouts A mystery woman has come out & announced that she is pregnant by NBA Youngboy #swipe , Could he possibly have another child on the way ? 👀
trellxailynn: uhhh no ma'am we want Ailynn back. 12,347 likes 3 replies
3_boys_and_me : Smh!! This young man has serious mommy issues. A new woman every day!! 😒 37,219 likes 58 replies
baddieeebae: he just can't keep his dick to his self. 634 likes
It's like I went numb reading the post. My hands were shaking. After seeing it, It made me relive my birthday again. Tears started flowing down my eyes.
He's over me already? Enough to be taking pictures with her. My body was stuck. I layed on the sofa & just let the words to "Resentment" flow through my ears.
"I know she was attractive, but I was here first. Been ridin with you for six years. Why did I deserve to be treated this way by you, you? I know you're probably thinking 'What's up with B' ? I been crying for too long, what did you do to me ? I used to be so strong, but now you took my soul. I'm crying, won't stop crying, can't stop crying. You could've told me, you wasn't happy, I know you didn't wanna hurt me. But look what you done to me now. I gotta look her in her eyes and see she's had half of me. How could you lie?"
I was beyond hurt. It was one thing for me to get publicly embarrassed & cheated on, but for to take pictures with this bitch?
Before I knew it, my pain was turning into anger. I felt like I was watching myself go crazy from above. The only other time I've ever felt like this was before going to Japan.
My eyesight became blurry & I blacked out. I could feel my body crashing things. I didn't even know what I was breaking.
The sound of glass breaking brought me to an immediate stop.
What am I doing? This not even me. I ain't never been like this over no nigga, but for some reason this time was different.
I had made the mistake of putting my all into him. After we found each other again it's like I had a purpose to fulfill. He knew how much I needed him & I knew how much he needed me. But instead of helping me, he used that against me.
The day I first went over to his house, he vented to me about everything. He told me some things that I couldn't even believe could happen to a person so real. Me being me, I wanted to fix him.
I tried to fix him when I wasn't even all the way healed myself. My mental health was declining right now. As much as I wanted to pick myself up & say It would all be okay, I just couldn't.
My phone was ringing so much but I didn't even have the energy to answer it. The lights were off in my house & I found myself sitting on the floor crying. Broken items everywhere.
That point that I tried so hard to get out of, I could feel myself going back.
Slowly, I was losing myself and I didn't wanna believe it.
I always have been a strong girl, but sometimes I would have periods where I meet a low point in my life but no matter what I always got back up again.
This time was sooo different.
Being publicly embarrassed on your birthday. Then to find out there's a baby on the way. By a nigga who poured his heart out to you. It hurts worse knowing that I did everything I could to make him feel better about life.
Of course, I'm not that person who regrets helping people out.
I was just left wondering "Why?". What did she have that I didn't provide?
I got up off the floor & layed back on the sofa before drifting asleep.
