I just came from a blind date today.
The women I met were lovely and likeable, but it never worked out for me, some even ended up as my good friends.
My sister has been setting me up on blind dates, she told me I looked miserable and that I had to 'move on' from my divorce.
In fact, I had moved on from my divorce a long time ago, and I wasn't miserable about it.
I guess her saying I was miserable wasn't because of my divorce. It was because of Sana.
I haven't talked to her for a long time now. I purposely distanced myself from her, I didn't want to bother her anymore. She seemed happier now, and if she was happy without me, why burst the bubble?
I didn't bother to avoid my sister setting me up on blind dates. I was desperate to move on from Sana. I constantly overwork and practice for extra hours. I even offered to train kids and signed myself up in a book club. Sana would laugh at me if she knew I was in a book club, I was that desperate.
Although I enjoyed attending the extracurriculars I signed up for, it didn't work that much. I was still constantly thinking of her; the what ifs and the have beens.
I was on my way to the grocery store when I saw a girl crying, on a bench under a tree. I contemplated whether I should go and ask what's wrong or I should just keep going, but I felt like I had to comfort her.
I made my way to her and sat beside her, her ID was visible, and her name was Julia.
I gave her my handkerchief and asked what was wrong. She received it but it took a while for her to respond to me.
"My best friend, Lucas, is going to the US."
"What's he going to do there?"
"He's going to study there. He said he wants to be an astrophysicist so his family is sending him to the US."
"Maybe it's for the good, you should be happy about it."
She continued to cry, but this time, louder. People started to look at us.
"I am. I want him to be in the US and chase his dream. But I like him. I'm worried maybe he will forget about me and find someone new."
The situation was way too familiar for me.
"He won't, just tell him you like him, nothing bad will happen if you tell him."
"How could you tell? I don't want to break our friendship."
"I'm not from here. I'm from Japan." I smiled at the thought of her. "I have a best friend there."
This time, she calmed down. "Really? Do you still talk to each other?"
I inhaled. "We do, sometimes." It breaks my heart to think about it, we barely even speak to each other anymore.
"Why?"
I hummed. "We're grown ups now. We're still best friends, but we grew apart." I looked at her. "It's not a bad thing, I assure you."
"I came here to the UK to chase my dream of becoming a soccer player." I smiled at her and paused. "She was back in Japan and did her own thing."
"And?"
"And," I sighed. "I made bad decisions."
She looked at me with her confused face, her eyes were very puffy.
"She always listened to me, but I never listened to her. While I was here, I met someone, fell in love, and didn't tell her a thing. We had a fight, said mean things to her, and then we drifted apart. I got married," I paused and chuckled, "She didn't even attend my wedding, I felt really bad. She just went to the reception, and ate. Really, that girl. But I think it was just right she didn't attend. It ended up in a divorce."
We both laughed. "I feel her on a whole different level. Weddings are boring!"
"Yeah. They are."
"She seems like a cool person. What is she like?"
I had a lot to say. If everything good had a name, it would be Sana.
"Hmmm, let me think about it." I paused. "She's very kind and caring. She has a lot of patience and is optimistic. She's been through a lot and she's even stronger than me. She's funny and---"
"Is she pretty?"
"She's beautiful, inside and out. And I never got to tell her that."
"Do you love her?"
I looked at her and smiled. I nodded as a response.
"I love her so much. I think about her everyday."
"Does she know?"
She doesn't have to know anymore. "Sadly, no."
"Why?"
"She loves someone else." I sadly smiled.
The smile on her face faded.
"I never got to tell her she was beautiful, how much more if I told her I love her?"
She looked down and became sad.
"That's why you should tell him. You don't want to end up like me."
She smiled.
"It's better to regret things that happened than to regret things that never happened." I paused and looked in front. "But it's best if you regret nothing."
I suggested we should go and buy ice cream at the convenience store, and we did. After buying, we returned and sat on the bench again. Just like what Sana and I used to do when we were kids.
We continued talking about each others' story.
It's comforting to hear about other people's story. I felt happy when I heard about her stories. I wondered if this was how Sana felt when she was listening to mine. If only I listened carefully to her before.
She went home after her mom called her, and she asked for my number in case she wanted to talk about her problems. She wanted someone to listen without getting embarrassed, and I gladly gave her my number.
I could at least be there for other people.
