I had to stop studying arts. I had no choice.
When Yuta said he was going to the UK to become a professional soccer player, I started to wonder what I wanted to study in college. I figured I wanted to be an art curator in my last year of high school. My friend, Jungwoo, a Korean who's studying in Japan, who I got closer with after Yuta went to the UK, brought me to the museum. I fell in love with the art of preserving artworks, and if I were to choose whether I'd live at a mansion or a museum, I'd definitely pick the museum.
I enrolled back in 2005 at Tokyo University and studied Arts. I worked part-time at a cafe with my mother's blessing, though it took me months to convince her. I didn't want my mom to work more hours since the tuition was expensive, so I told her I'd work part-time. I met wonderful people, including Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung, who came from affluent families but were down to earth people. I hung out with them, along with Jungwoo, after work. College is where you start your life, where you start to find yourself and find the meaning of life. And I was happy to experience it.
But last year, mom fell sick. She started bleeding our sheets and a weird odor came from her. She started complaining about the pain in her back, and had a hard time peeing. We went to various community hospitals, as we were short with money that time. The doctors in community hospitals said it was only UTI, but it worsened the following weeks. I used up the money I had left and went to Tokyo to get her checked by a professional.
That was when we found out she had Stage 2 Cervical Cancer, and that her kidney was affected and she had to go through dialysis two days a week.
She did not want me to stop studying, but it was a choice I had to make. I love my mother, and I could not afford to lose her.
I started working full time at a fastfood chain, and at night, I worked at a call center agency. Whenever I had free time, I painted and sold my art. I barely had time for myself anymore.
I was off today and accompanied my mother to her dialysis session. I was checking my laptop for messages from people, and most importantly, from Yuta.
I miss him.
Yuta and I would talk all the time, he'd call me, because the calling fee was too expensive for me. We would talk about anything for hours, though he mostly did the talking. All I did was listen, and my pain would go away. It's nice hearing the good things that are happening in other people's lives. I guess I found it nice since nothing good happening in mine. These days, we're both super busy, that there were days we didn't talk to each other, but we'd still occasionally check up on each other.
yuu_taa_1026: Sana
yuu_taa_1026: Minatozaki Sana!
yuu_taa_1026: Cheese kimbap >_< (>_<)
yuu_taa_1026: Are you there?
yuu_taa_1026: I have good news!!!!!
yuu_taa_1026: Tell me if you're online
Yuu_taa_1026: are you still eating cheese kimbap? ;)
cheesekimbap96: hahahahaha
cheesekimbap96: hi yuta
cheesekimbap96: I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply to you earlier.
yuu_taa_1026: it's ok!!! how's Obasan doing?
cheesekimbap96: she's doing well these days.
yuu_taa_1026: that's good! Tell her I said hi! :D
I smiled.
cheesekimbap96: thank you good samaritan :---0
yuu_taa_1026: hahahahaha
yuu_taa_1026: how about you, sana. how are you doing?
cheesekimbap96: I'm doing fine yuta. still eating cheese gimbap every saturday >_<
yuu_taa_1026: you know i'm always here if you need someone.
cheesekimbap96: thank you yuta.
yuu_taa_1026: sana, my parents can help you, you know. you don't have to do this.
When Yuta's family knew mom fell sick, they offered a hand. I didn't want to be a burden to their family, and I did not want to owe them something. I didn't want them to cut their hand for someone who still has hands.
cheesekimbap96: yuta, i don't want to be dependent on your family. i can do this.
cheesekimbap96: let's not talk about this yuta.
yuu_taa_1026: okay.
cheesekimbap96: so, what's the good news? :---)
yuu_taa_1026: don't freak out okay?
cheesekimbap96: i will if you won't tell
yuu_taa_1026: i'm signed to the national team!!!!!!!!!!!
cheesekimbap96: OHMYGOSH ARE U JOKING
yuu_taa_1026: no!!! i'm going to be on tv sana!!!
I stood up from my chair and squealed in excitement.
cheesekimbap96: OMG YUTA!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU ON TV T_T
yuu_taa_1026: arigato gozaimasu sana >_<
yuu_taa_1026: i have to go back to practice. i dont want to be embarrassed on national television you know hahahaha
yuu_taa_1026: take care sana. watch my first game okay?
cheesekimbap96: of course yuta. good luck :-)
I'm genuinely happy for Yuta. I am happy to see Yuta reaching his dream. I watched him play for years in our city, and now, he's playing for a well-known team on TV in a land I know nothing about and is completely different from Osaka.
But I cannot help to think, what if I was also a step closer to my dream, if mom didn't get sick?
I am full of joy to witness the man I love be a step closer to his dream, even if I wasn't close to mine.
