Dramione One Shots

5. Lion in the Snake's Nest

Art by mysteriouscatstellation on Tumblr, who translated this fic to Russian on Ficbook (let me know if you'd like the Russian link)

Enjoy!

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"She's infuriating. Know-it-all, can't let one thing slide, you-cut-the-spleen-wrong-Malfoy, little nose flicked in the air, how does she even breathe through those tiny nostrils, big-haired, bushy-browed chit."

"Uh huh." Theo didn't look up from his parchment, inky quill scrawling cursive, barely legible notes on the page.

"Why did she even come this year? Ministry offered all of them jobs in whichever department they chose but nooo, she just had to act holier-than-thou and decline a good opportunity when it was handed to her. Couldn't have one year of peace without one of those prissy Gryffindors inserting themselves into it."

"Would you have preferred Potter or the Wheeze?" Theo asked with a smile in his voice. "I'd say Granger is the least infuriating of the three... and the nicest to look at." He laid the page aside to allow the ink to dry and continued on a fresh, lineless loose-leaf.

"Just because I don't want to gouge my eyeballs from my sockets when she's around, doesn't mean she's nice to look at."

"I said she's the nicest to look at, not nice to look at. Relax, mate."

"Drake complaining about Granger again?" Blaise entered the common room with a knowing smirk. He twirled his wand in circles between his fingers. "Hey, if you don't shag her, could I?"

"Why would I shag her, you idiot? Besides, you really think she'd let you?"

He shrugged and sat on the couch across from his, legs splaying wide as if he owned the room. "I reckon Granger likes to get freaky, and who better than a forbidden Slytherin?"

"Thought she was shagging the ging." Theo sat at the table tucked in the corner, his back to them but raptly listening.

"They broke up," Malfoy informed.

Blaise raised a dark brow. "And you know this how?"

"She's my Potions partner, we don't brew in silence as much as I'd like to."

Theo snorted. "Please, you like the sound of your own voice better than anybody."

"As if I can get a word in with her blabbering the entire time. Did you know Arsenius Jigger hid dark potion recipes in his textbooks? Did you know Muggles can send letters instantly with electronic mail? Did you know because the Maya calendar ends at 2012 people claim it'll be the end of the world? Did you know blah blah blah."

"The world's going to end in 2012?" Blaise asked. "Doesn't give us much time for world domination."

"Too soon, Blaise," Theo said.

"Besides, Muggles don't know what they're on about."

"Thought you were open-minded now, Draco," Theo teased.

"Just because I don't want Muggleborns extricated, doesn't mean I believe in their foolish day-to-days. Dumb wankers call pouring milk in a newspaper cone a magic trick."

Theo and Blaise stared at him blankly.

"Yeah, I didn't quite get that one either," he mumbled.

"Sounds like you're really brushing up on Muggle knowledge," Blaise said, the last word turning into a wide yawn as he reached his arms over his head in a deep stretch and settled them across the backrest once more.