Fall for you

Confused

Nam is my 4 year exboyfriend .. but we haven't seen each other .. only thru video call and chat.... a loyal girl like me.....I'm not interested of any guy coz ..
I only focus to my exbf..hoping that we are together in the end...but I will tell you later about me and Nam just a few info since this story about me and Ziyan.

Ziyan and I have the same work company.. although we are not in the same office.. we sometimes see each other ... I rarely notice him... Since I'm not interested of other guy....

So here's the content of my journal:
April,2018

I maybe confused of what I felt for him (Ziyan)

For how many years I'm just focusing with Nam.Nam is a kind of friend to me,
More than a friend to me.. but he never want a commitment.i know I love him so much,he care too much.we both know we have feelings for each other not until he decided to chose being alone and not to fight for what we have, that made me feel and think "Why I can't have the person I love so much!?". Is there something wrong with me that most of the person I loved chose to let go than to hold on.

So it's hard for me to keep communicating him,same endearment,same care.. every day he greeted me like I'm still her gf... That made me hard to move on.
He keeps coming back ..checking if I'm okay.. I also think, if he keeps doing it
My feelings will grow for him not knowing when will it last.

It's hard to keep the feelings without knowing what you really are for that person.he said he loves me but he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with me.
After that it came to a point that I already accepted the fact that he never really want to get married as he said...

I choose to divert my attention and my feelings to him and started to accept everything that happened.. until I noticed someone from where I work and that's Ziyan.. I didn't even know him well for the past 3 years of working  in the same company.

Until  there was a time we started to get close towards each other...

Next chapter how Me and Ziyan get closer..ung parang meron ng ibang feelings na nararamdaman..