Cancer ❁ Muke

Chapter 16

It was just six hours after leaving Luke's house that I found myself on a plane bound for southern California. As we rose further and further into the sky I looked out the window to watch as my home disappeared behind us. For as long as I could I watched, until finally it vanished beneath the blanket of clouds. When I could see it no longer I turned around and sat back to try and fall sleep. But as hard as I tried, sleep would not come, for my mind was fixed on everything I was leaving behind-my brothers, my home, my friends...and Luke.

As I sat there it felt as though a projector was replaying each memory I had of Luke up onto the forefront of my mind. Every time I had seen him, each time we had spoken or interacted in any way was being relived in front of me. I watched as he flirted with me, I could see all the signs he had given me. I now knew how obvious he had been this whole time. Tears started to fall from my eyes and a sick emptiness filled my stomach. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. Now, each time I tried closing my eyes I saw Luke standing on the doorstep crying, but not crying for me, crying because of me. I was torn up inside; I was a wreck. But then a thought came to me. I pulled out my wallet from my back pocket and reached into it. From among the few dollar bills that were inside I pulled a small picture, curled and bent at the edges. It was a picture I had carried with me since high school. It was Luke, and he was smiling. Seeing him happy and smiling face again was enough to bring a momentary warmth to the despair I was feeling. Much to my dismay I still knew he was as good as gone, so I did my best not to dwell on reality, but instead sought comfort in fantasy, and after perhaps an hour I finally fell asleep...lost in his arms.

My treatment started the very day we arrived in California. After our plane landed in San Diego we rented a car and drove across town to the medical complex. After checking in I was taken to my room. I didn't even have time to unpack before I was escorted off to a meeting with the doctor who would be in charge of my care.

I met Doctor Richard Norton in his office, and for 20 minutes he talked to me about the nature of what I had, what his plans were, and what I could expect to occur in the days ahead. From what I heard from my mom, Dr. Norton had devoted his entire professional career to the study of cancer treatment. I'm sure he's seen thousands of patients like me, but still as he talked with me that day he made me feel as if I was his only one. He was straight to the point, but there was an empathy I sensed that could only come from a lifetime devoted to beating the disease I now had.

Immediately following the meeting I was taken off to begin treatment. Blood samples were drawn, hoses and tubes were attached to me, and for two hours I lay on a bed with all kinds of vitamins and bacterias, and I don't even know what else being pumped into my body. Physically, it was relatively pain-free; the only pain coming from the needles being put in my arms. Mentally, though, it was difficult. At first I was okay, but as time went by it became increasingly hard to handle. Like a test animal is the only way I can describe how I all too often felt. Whenever it got that way, though, I imagined pulling out my picture of Luke. I would stare into his eyes and see them glimmer. His smile would grow bigger, he would tilt him head to one side and reach up with both hands to play with his hair. Then we would be holding hands, and as he rested his head on my shoulder hid hair would tickle me as it brushed my cheek. I would dream of holding him tightly to me, inhaling her sweet scent, and would imagine again the softness of his kiss. It would all play out like a dream, but yet it felt so real. I could almost feel the warmth of Luke's body just as if it were next to me. And though we were thousands of miles apart, in my mind we were side by side, hand in hand.