Good Omens one shots (or something)

Explanation

I'm sorry for this shit storm

She went into the cafe and took a table. Warlock wasn't there yet. Crowley (or Nanny Ashtoreth) was meeting up with Warlock because he texted her and sounded rather distressed.

She wondered if someone had died or if he had been kicked out or ran away from his parents. The bell over the little brown, wooden door gave a weak sound. It sounded old and broken. Nanny Ashtoreth looked up at the door and saw Warlock standing there.

The only thing that had changed since she last saw him was his style of clothing. He was wearing clothes that Crowley would wear. Black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt that had some text on it that she couldn't read, a way to big black, greyish zip up hoodie and black boots.

She stood up and waved at him. "There you are, Warlock!", she said with a smile. She would have discorporated if she smiled like that in her Crowley form but right now she was Nanny Ashtoreth. Nice and caring Nanny Ashtoreth.

Warlock immediately ran over and hugged her. "Do I really look gay?", he said, sounding on the verge of tears.

"What do you mean?", she asked. "Let's sit down", she gestured at the table.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Dad tried to put me in a military school because "you dress to gay" and "you need to become a real man". Do I really look gay?"

"Wha- that fucking stupid", she looked baffled.

"I don't?", he was almost crying.

"Get yourself something to drink"

"But I don't have any money. I spent it all to take the bus here"

"Who said that you were going to pay? Here", she reached over the table and put some money down.

Warlock went over to the counter to order and Nanny Ashtoreth texted Aziraphale. "I met up with Warlock. Thaddeus tried to put him in military school. I don't know if he was kicked out or if he ran away".

Warlock sat down at the table with an orange juice.

"Did you run away or did your parents kick you out?", Nanny Ashtoreth asked.

"Dad kicked me out yesterday when I said that I wouldn't go to any military school. I slept on a park bench"

"Gee, he's a real idiot. Or both your parents are, really. Never spending time with you and every time something happened they gave you to me"

"Mm", Warlock sipped his orange juice. "But you're sure that I don't look gay?"

"You can't look "gay". Everyone looks different, but I can see why your father would say that"

"So he's right? I do look gay?"

"No, not how I meant. I meant that he's an idiot. Toxic masculinity, y'know?"

They sat in silence for a moment before Nanny Ashtoreth took up her phone. "Actually, look at this", she found a picture of Crowley from the day before. "This was me yesterday".

Warlock stared at the picture. "You're a guy", he said in disbelief.

"I've felt like I had to tell you that for a long time", she said.

"You're trans?", Warlock asked.

"I- no, not trans", she thought about what to say next. "I- it's hard to explain. I am a man but played a woman when I was your nanny"

"So you're a man", Warlock said to himself, as if he was calculating something. "But you and Brother Francis? Gay?"

Nanny Ashtoreth wasn't expecting this and she started to blush. "Oh, where we that obvious", she whispered to herself.

"Yes, very, super obvious"

They sat in silence for a minute before Warlock asked "Where am I supposed to sleep? Park benches aren't that comfortable".

"Oh, I'll take care of you", Nanny Ashtoreth snapped out of her thoughts. "I can drive you to Azi- Brother Francis' bookshop"

"What were you going to call him?"

"I'll explain more when we get there!"

~<0>~

The ride to the bookshop was quiet and awkward. The only sound you could hear was the sound of the Bentley's engine roaring.

Nanny Ashtoreth (or Crowley now) had texted Aziraphale to tell him everything that had happened and that she was taking Warlock to the bookshop.

When they arrived, Crowley took Warlock into the back room of the bookshop and sat him down on the couch . Aziraphale was reading a book in his chair. He put it aside when the demon came into the room with the notverymuch-Antichrist.

"Wait here", Crowley said after putting Warlock on the couch. "Gonna change clothes".

"Okay dear", Aziraphale said with a big smile.

~<0>~

Crowley came back after a while. He was wearing his normal black skinny jeans and a black hoodie. He always had clothes at Aziraphale and Aziraphale had clothes at him. Crowley had also put his hair in a little bun at the back of his head.

"So now", he took a deep breath and sat down on the couch. "We should explain"

"Oh yes, I rather think so", said Aziraphale, brows furrowed. "Where to start..?", he tapped his thigh.

"You told him your name yet?", Crowley asked.

"No, I haven't, now that I think about it", he lit up. "So you may know me as Brother Francis but my name is actually Aziraphale, angel of the eastern gate".

"You don't look like Francis", Warlock said, questioningly.

"Prosthetics and makeup", Crowley chimed in.

"What do you mean by angel of the eastern gate?", Warlock was super confused.

"We'll get into that later", Crowley said. "But my name is actually Crowley. Or more Anthony J. Crowley but Crowley is the name I go by. I don't care if you call me Crowley or Ashtoreth or Nanny Ashtoreth. I was the snake who tempted Eve into eating that apple", he said the last bit with a smile.

They spent the rest of the afternoon explaining everything from their relationship to heaven and hell to the apocalypse-that wasn't. They also talked about Warlock's idiot father and where Warlock was supposed to live. They ended up with the idea that he should live with Crowley in his flat since he had the most space and knew how to deal with teenagers.