Where Am I

Anxious Nostalgia

"Ugh...it's past Curfew. I'm gonna be very grounded very soon...What does it matter. Not like I have any friends to talk to anyways..." Y/N muttered as you checked the time on your (Almost Dead) Phone. You rolled your eyes and got up from the pitch black playground bench where you'd been choosing to spend your time. It was 12:26 AM. You weren't that phased as you usually stayed out every night to avoid being at home. You hated it there. It was always loud or someone was yelling at you to do something. Your phone starts to blow up as you see 27 messages and 13 missed calls from you mom, and 14 missed calls and 15 messages from your dad. You don't bother to check them because it's not like you could explain. They wouldn't listen to any reasoning anyways. As you walk through the park which was part of the playground you see fog surrounding you, and you could barely see. You looked back at the playground to see the slides and all the different contraptions kids would play on swirled up in fog and condensation. It looked somewhat eerie and had a different feel to it. You decide just to get on your way, and start to leave the park. You exit the gates and after a few minutes of ear wrenching silence you trip and fall in front of a small rest area. As you pick yourself up you stand in front of the small, but at the same time spacious area. It felt different. You step closer and the feeling only gets stronger. It almost felt nostalgic, but at the same time you've never been anywhere like that. It felt like you were in some kind of alternate reality, or in some kind of different state of what is real. You know it's getting late but you can't help but to take a seat and take in the feeling. You go to check the time but your phone dies before you can even look. You sigh and mutter the word: "Goddamnit..." You slip it in your pocket and study the area and the feeling only gets more intense. You place your hand against the concrete walls and study them for cracks or imperfection. The feelings rising. You start to feel anxious like you should leave, but you ignore it and continue looking around the small rest area. The feelings starting to get so intense your shaking and you feel a chill run up your spine. You decide the feeling can't be good, even though it was so intriguing. You shiver as you feel a presence of a different reality wash over you and wrap around you and you get up and your eyes widen. "Fuck..." You mutter under your breath. It took basically all you had in you just to leave the area. As your walking away you feel your legs weaken, and you couldn't think. This feeling. What was it. You needed to leave.

"GET 𝑂𝑈𝑇"
"𝐺𝑂 𝐴𝑊𝐴𝑌"
"𝑮𝑶 𝑯𝑶𝑴𝑬 𝑁𝑂𝑊"

Your brain was screaming for you to just leave but you couldn't. The feeling was too real. You feel a rush of comfort wrap around you. You felt acceptance and love coming from the area, something you didn't get at home. Your brain was still screaming for you to leave but your heart wanted to stay. You went to take a seat back on the bench when suddenly you hear your mother's voice. "Y/N! Y/N L/N! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE SO LATE AT NIGHT?!" Your mother ran into the small energy fueled area and grabbed your arm as she dragged you out. She cups your face and says "DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW WORRIED WE WERE?" her hands trembling and her mascara smudged, she was crying. Tears running down her cheeks. "WELL?! EXPLAIN YOURSELF! NOW!" You wriggle out of her grasp and you manage to splutter out: "I-I d-didnt i- u-uh" Your mother replies with "WHAT!? YOU WHAT Y/N?!" You break down and start to cry. You were feeling so perfect...So peaceful. And like always, its ruined by your parents. You say nothing more, tears running down your cheeks. Your mother sighs and grabs your wrist. You guys get to your car and you get in the backseat even though no one's sitting in the passenger to avoid any conversation with your mother. You guys drive home and your dad is passed out on the couch. You sigh and sulk up to your room. You look around in the dark before switching on a full light. You take off your hoodie and lay on your bed, and all you can think about is that feeling you got. That horrible and nerve wracking but at the same time amazing and nostalgic feeling. You could have sworn you'd seen the place before but at the same time you hadn't. You slowly feel your brain shut off and seemingly melt into mush as you fall asleep, taking in every breath, noise, and wind on your body. Your slipping deeper as you shut your eyes.

You wake up go the sun seemingly nipping at your eyelids and you open them only to be irritated by the light. You scoff and shut your curtains as you try and roll over to go back to sleep but only failing. You think to yourself: "Wow I even fail at sleeping, the thing I've been doing best lately." You lie in bed letting the morning wash over you, getting a few seconds of peace before realizing you only woke up in the same horrible reality that was your life. You roll your eyes and get dressed before going downstairs to see your father making coffee. He glares at you and grabs your arm before saying "If you pull any of that bullshit like last night your gonna be in some fuckin trouble, now gimme that damn phone." You refuse. He retorts with "What!? Are you hiding something?! Give it to me. NOW." You roll your eyes and throw your phone on the table while muttering: "...Not like I have any friends to talk to anyways..." He slams his fist on the table, making you flinch and says "WERE YOU GIVING ME THAT GODDAMN ATTITUDE AGAIN YOUNG  [MAN/LADY]?!?" You roll your eyes and grab your bag before slamming the door. You look up at the sky while contemplating wether you should go to school or not. 𝑭𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒏𝒐.... You thought. You suddenly remembered the spot and got a puzzled look. "That feeling..." You muttered as you dashed into that direction, passing the playground and the park, turning into the area in which the rest stop was located. Instead you make a turn into a whole new neighborhood. All the houses were the same, exept in different colors that somehow complimented eachother perfectly. Not a bush out of place, not a single sliver of yellow grass.

You muttered "What the fuck..." As you started to feel that feeling. That weird feeling; the mix between anxiety, as if your brain was pulling you away from it and screaming GET OUT! YOU DONT BELONG, but your heart telling you to stay. The feeling gets more and more intense as you walk the sidewalks, your mind feels melted as if your on some kind of psychedelic drug, exept without the high. Your mind felt dull. You know that florescent buzzing you hear in an empty gas station at 2:00 AM? Yeah. You feel like if that was a feeling. Your mind is static and your loving it. You feel so...in the right place. Your senses are going wild, you can feel the sun and practically smell the nostalgic anxiety. You listen in and start to faintly hear "I'd Rather Sleep" by Kero Kero Bonito faintly playing in the distance. You walk to follow the music and with every word, Lyric, and every step your mind slowly melts into mush as you stare forward and follow the song. At this point you feel out of your body as you feel as if you could stay there for hours. Suddenly a small rabbit type creature trudges up to you holding what looks like a brain. This wasn't the only weird thing about it, it looked animated and it had a bonnet wrapped around his head. It was almost Hello Kitty Esque. Your brain feels static and the music gets louder and your vision is blurry and distorted. The creature looks at you and In a creepy dolly voice says "Oops~ Guess you won't need 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 anymore~" as it puts the brain-like object into a light blue trash can. You feel no emotion exept pure Deja Vu, And that Nostalgic Anxious feeling as you hear the lyrics "Now I Now What's Real What's Fake" you start to dissasociate more and more and you feel heavy like your being suffocated without feeling the need to breathe. You feel like static. The weird beat to the song gets louder and louder as you melt more and more into the environment, soaking up the horribly amazing feeling.
You can see the shape of your eyes as you drift in and out of a dissasociated nonexistent reality "I'm tired..." You mutter as your eyes slowly shut.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I update quickly! This is my first story so please leave a comment on how I did